Up in the air

At the moment i'm sitting on a plane on our way back to London. Over the last 18 years we've done this trip annually, and a range of emotions has always been present. Over the last few years the excitement has decreased significantly. I remember buzzing in my seat as we pulled in to heathrow airport, 'civilization' being the word that came to mind. I would gawp at the double decker buses, when we walked into corner shops the choices of sweets and crisps baffled me, supermarkets were just overwhelming. That sensation has lessened, especially considering our residence in Kuala Lumpur, a highly developed city, much moreso than Colombo, Sri Lanka, the city that i spent the largest portion of my life in. 2 years ago i was wearing my red hoodie, given to me by my ex-boyfriend Victor. He was moving away to Singapore and I was heartbroken. We'd had an emotional farewell with lots of tears. To my great surprise my friend Simon was sat next to me on the long-hall KLM flight to London via. Amsterdam where we'd both go our seperate ways. I repressed the tears, but the sniffles were on-going due to my streaming cold. Simon was a champ, normality, routine and time are really the three biggest things that ease a heart break, and chocolate of course. Last year I'd said goodbye to one of my best friends Rylie who was returning to America. I don't know if I've had a year when I haven't lost someone or had to say goodbye to someone. But as the saying goes, better to have gained and lost than to have never gained at all.

A bit of B&W

I just watched 'Never Let Me Go', the film ended with the sleeve of my shirt completely soaked due to my endless sobbing. As much as I appreciate a great love story or great acting for that matter, when you've just said goodbye to someone you do love, it's like adding salt an lemon to a wound. Every song, every movie, everything reminds you of the person you've just left behind. You go from cuddling them one minute, feeling their body heat, arms wrapped around you tight, no sense of fear of insecurity... to being in a different country, surrounded by clouds, journeying to the other side of the world where the closest thing you can get to them is a virtual world called the internet. I suppose I should be thankful that that exists in the first place.

Goodbye's are unnatural I think. Humans are meant to grow and change, but we've always had this natural sense of community instilled within us. We're meant to stick to the people you form connections with, because whether you're karmically connected or destined to meet, having those people in your life is what makes it worth living - excuse the cliché. Those people you've connected to must enrich your life in some way, whether they act as a pillar or a prop - the stage would remain bare without all the surrounding works.

Honeymoon phase

So humans got smart and started accessing larger portions of their brains la la la and technology was invented. Just like that which was predicted, large metal birds began flying around in the sky, and the ease of transport continued increasing. What was it that was just invented? An airplane that can get you from London to Sydney in 4 hours? It's crazy, but anyway, back to the point. We've manipulated our surroundings to facilitate our constantly changing requirements... but everything has it's price. Both literally and metaphorically - to keep up with this ever changing world, money's a neccesity, and the differences in wealth determine whether you can afford the luxury of seeing a loved one on the other side of the world or not. I suppose that's a great downfall to our fabulous international lives - we make those amazing connections and merge with new cultures and traditions, exploring whole new societies through our social groups alone. Yet when graduation rolls round, or a new contract or any such event, we all go our seperate ways and another line on a map can be drawn to add to the already existing tangled web of love and friendships.


My boyfriend thread is continously getting longer as this plane accelerates, and while I want to embrace the change, when you have something so great - why would you want to let it go?  We're about half way there, 7 hours to go and the food cart's rolling up, London's fast approaching and my heart-rate's speeding up - feigning a smile is going to have to do, time for a comedy I think.

Recipe of the day: Chocolate, Raspberry, Amaretto pie

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1937,152176-252205,00.html