Popping to Phuket

Head pounding, mouth dry, glugging water and squinting my eyes at the scorching sun that reflected off the surface of the pool. What a sorry state I was in, given our beautiful surroundings. C, J.E and I were on holiday in J.E's beautiful family villa in Phuket, an island off the west coast of Thailand. 

The beautiful villa

The crew <3

As we were driving to the villa on our first day, I looked out the window and watched the lines of newly built, concrete houses; the shrill sound of drilling and construction work was everywhere. The houses along the main strips lacked beauty and authenticity compared to the delicate detail of Thai architecture; it was cheap, concrete and convenient; ideal for the temporary nature of tourism. The size of the island surprised me, it was huge! We drove and drove as the grey clouds began to form dark clusters, preparing for a downfall. The car slowed as we entered the compound that J.E's villa was situated in, surrounded by other identical, luxury holiday villas that were rented out throughout the year - what a genius investment. Our tummy's were grumbling so we dropped our bags and left the compound in search of some cheap, Thai food. As we roamed the streets, we observed the gentrification in the form of expensive cafes and restaurants, built for rich tourists; it didn't take long to realise that my idea of a cheap trip to Thailand might not have been so realistic... We scoped the area for the cheapest pad thai, picked up a pack of Chang from 7/11 and retreated to the pool as the sun began to shine. That evening, the adventure began...

We were on a mission, so we went to the local taxi rank and asked to be taken to the nearest reggae bar. The driver dropped us off halfway to our destination, pointed down a little sand path and charged us an extortionate fee but in our tipsy states, we were in no mood to argue. We got out, paid and followed the wooden sign that was painted red, yellow and green (despite having no association to reggae). Standing around a makeshift beach bar was a group of people, mainly middle-aged men with beer bellies, grey hair and brown, leathery skin from too much sun. It turned out to be the local hotspot for the expats living on the island, most of them unsurprisingly worked in construction and one owned the bar at which we were standing. We ordered a round and conversed about island living. A young, chirpy American/Thai guy J was working as the bartender. In broken bar chat, he told his story and explained that he was now working on the island and being looked after by the men surrounding us, who were his family friends. His ego was evident as he bragged a bit too loudly about his uncle being the chief of police and granting him direct access to a variety of narcotics... it was somewhat entertaining watching his chat being followed by the bar owner sternly reminding him to watch his mouth in public again and again; but he took no notice..

Waterfall walk 
Note: google maps is not always right.

The empty bottles of beer began piling up and I found myself in a heated conversation with a conservative, Californian tourist. He started off telling me about how much he despised Muslim refugees as they were 'ruining his country'... oh man, one of these. I found the irony amusing given my current work supporting (mainly) Muslim refugees. I'd had a few beers and was feeling a little provocative, so I continued to ask him questions and he continued to share his views. He turned around to proudly present the back of his T-Shirt that read 'Guns in!' above a huge, bait picture of a silver gun. Soon he was telling me about how climate change was a money making scam and essentially, doesn't exist; you've guessed that he's also a Trump supporter, right? His deluded beliefs astounded me and throughout the conversation he remained ignorant towards my beliefs or profession. I didn't waste my energy trying to convince him otherwise, one conversation wasn't going to crack that nut but I did wonder how often people did contradict him... for he seemed so sure of such nonsense.

Things lightened up when the men began belting out American country tunes and the bartender J, who was eager to show us around town was finally ready to go. We were given a lift to the 'actual' reggae bar to complete our mission and continued on to the other local hotspots that J insisted we check out. By the time we had reached the last bar, the rounds of beer were hitting me all at once and I was ready to go one of two ways. Thankfully, they served pad thai at the bar so in a blissful state of drunken ignorance due to J's insistence that it was vegetarian, I ate the whole plate (and the next afternoon as I sat raving about how good it had been, C informed me with a smug grin that it was full of minced pork. Fabulous.)

The waterfall (+ a the Russian Couple..)

I switched to water and my vision began to even out again. J was swaying around with a pool cue, giving orders to the local staff who he claimed were his great friends. But after a few warnings from the bar staff, we came to realise that very few of the locals actually wanted to be associated with him (i must admit I was oblivious to it all). The energy in the bar dropped when a buff Thai guy knocked J just as he was about to shoot his ball. The air was tense as the guy sat down with his other buff Thai mates, looked over towards J and shot C a deadly stare, we decided it might be a good time to go. The bill came and J's hosting skills were toppled as we were charged for the rounds of beers that he'd ordered despite no one wanting them. He denied ordering anything and we reluctantly forked out the rest of our weeks drinking budget. We got in a taxi and left, realising that he was a young, naive boy that was probably best to not get involved with.

We drove back in silence, processing the event that had just taken place. As we arrived at the villa, the headlights shone on the front door and a black figure emerged from piles of bags strewn across the front step. I squinted my eyes to see and beneath the overgrown facial hair, I began to recognise L! My best friend from Bristol who had been unresponsive online for 42 hours since we'd arrived. He'd intended to surprise me but instead, arrived to a locked, empty villa just after we'd left for our night out... 5 hours before. Classic. We picked up his makeshift campsite, cuddled, caught up and crashed.out. R arrived a few hours later from London to a villa of passed out drunks and the crew was finally together.

R & I <3

We spent our days eating Thai food, drinking beer, jamming and riding mopeds around the island; everything you could want from a holiday in Thailand. Once we'd recovered from our night with J, we braved Patong, Phuket's notorious area for a night out. Needless to say, we would not choose to return. Somehow, half naked transvestites tucking in their genitals on vibrating platforms and 16-year old strippers dangling from the ceiling, doesn't quite spark my serotonin. It's always interesting to see who ends up there; the middle-aged couples drinking beer in silence are the ones I don't quite understand. I felt a mixture of sadness and surprise watching the scenes play out; the excessive alcohol consumption to assist in the 'enjoyment' of it all was just about the only thing that made sense.

mmm... satisfaction.

So we got caught in a few of the tourist traps but you've got to experience it once, right? We'd found our flow by the end of the holiday and ticked almost everything off the list. L and R booked their tickets to Bali and J and I returned to KL; with a bit of a tan and mango sticky rice in hand, we had a smooth ending to a truly eventful trip.