Crossing Oceans

B and I keeping warm

I opened my eyes this morning and didn't have to think twice to realize I was back in the tropics, it's growing on me. Monkeys instead of foxes, sweat instead of shivers, dresses instead of jumpers and rice instead of bread. I'm back in Asia! Stepping out the plane doors the familiar sticky heat blew over us, and the layers of clothes that I'd been wearing was slowly minimized. My eyes couldn't focus on one position due to sleep deprivation, climactic shock and a crazy week that involved a few brain numbing activities. I dragged my luggage along behind me, with no sense of self-conciousness after a 15 hour flight, only to hear my name called by a recognizable voice - 'shit.' I thought.  I turned around to a beaming familiar face, and her brother - She'd been sitting 2 seats behind me for 7 hours, and we hadn't seen each other once. My immediate response was 'what the fuck', that came out slightly louder than expected, only to be received by dirty looks from all the conservative Muslim women in burqas that surrounded us. To my relief, we all looked as bedraggled as each other, and it only served for more delirious laughter. The 14 hour flight was not something I'd wish to repeat, non-stop crying (by both myself and the 2 babies sitting in front of me), no sleep, delays, a hectic 10 minute transfer period, food that tasted like it'd come out of a clinical trial, uncomfortable seats and never mastering the right temperature.. but I'm here, safe and sound (much to the surprise of my entire extended family that for some reason, had their doubts..)

See the double halo?

Where to start, can I first congratulate everyone for 'surviving' the apocalypse!  I was so intent on feeling some sort of change occur at 11.11 on 21/12/12 but when I looked at the clock it was already 13 past - oh well. I was browsing Facebook yesterday though and on a group that I'm a part of called 'Catalysing Change' there was a post that explained what causes the 'halo around the moon'; apparently it's "caused by pencil-shaped ice crystals in cirrus clouds that bend moonlight. On Dec. 21st, Harald Edens of Magdalena, New Mexico, witnessed a double halo as seen in this photo. The inner 9-degree halo is caused by ice crystals in the shape of pyramids" - If you don't know the significance of pyramids, please do a bit of research, It's fascinating. But my point is, though I didn't see any profound physical change, at least someone did?

Grooving with my favourite boy
in the beer garden

The last week has been the craziest of my life. It was a familiar feeling that my grade had experienced post-graduation. Having to see each other as much as possible, attend everything that was going on and leave no time to breathe for 'FOMO' (fear of missing out) - only to suffer the consequences later. I remember having a conversation with my mum about this ages ago, because after about a week of the craziness, when it has died down slightly and your body has a minute to recuperate, the suffering begins. Why that happens is common sense, but what I found difficult to understand, was how your body can keep pushing when you know there should be a limit. In spiritual terms we call it 'ancestral energy' - it's like the core storage space that draws energy from 'our ancients' if you will for when we really need it, during illness or dire situations etc.. not when our body's can't handle too many substances or late nights out, which is where it can be wasted. Woops, the consequences aren't proving to be too fun.

Typical.

To summarize a week in a sentence: Party-crashing for free drinks by the Thames, Civilized dinners by candlelight in caves being served red wine and cheese, regressing to our youth with drunken nights on southbank in playgrounds, arcades and Japanese restaurants,  shivering on Hampstead heath watching psychedelic vibrating trees and London's reflection on an invisible lake, grooving to tunes in the beer garden in winter wonderland, farewell lunches with friends and family and raving in ecstasy under tube stations to deep dub with an eclectic mix of all my closest friends. It's been a sleepless adventure that I wouldn't give back for the world - they say living with someone makes or breaks your friendship, and M. - as best friends since day zero, I reckon we can say we've achieved success.. So the alarm went off 2 hours after bedtime and after a few kicks to turn it off, I scrambled the last of my things together, leaving a trail behind me of course, to jump into the taxi and head to Heathrow airport terminal 4. 'Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming' could be heard softly on the radio as I nodded off, only to be woken (what felt like) a minute later when we'd arrived. The recent loss of my debit card meant I had to actually pay attention to where my money was and what I was spending, so I bought the usual duty-free chocolates for the family, a couple of locks for my bag, and a coffee to keep my brain mildly active, counting the pennies as I went. The water-works soon started and I'd switched from the normal'ish looking teenager, to an exasperated mess.. that went on for longer than I would've liked..

Love for J in Trafalgar square

I gazed out of the small oval airoplane window that was cold from the high altitude.. The stars above doha twinkled in scattered clumps and before my eyes closed again, I felt like one of them. Stars appear on clear dark nights and leave when the sun comes up, always temporary but always there. The instability of my life at the moment feels immense in both a good and bad sense - the on-flight crew definitely picked up on it as my blanket got wetter and wetter with tear stains - but tonight wasn't about keeping up appearances as I slunk back to sleep in DLD trackies and a comfy hoodie - the best way to fly. I only managed to watch one movie 'L'amour dure trois ans' (love only lasts 3 years) that felt quite appropriate given that nothing seems to stay the same for long, but it's a good one to watch - not your typical Hollywood romcom.

The end of the world party <3

The stars faded and Kuala Lumpur showed it's face in the light of the dawn - driving along the highway chatting to our sweet taxi driver felt surreal, returning to the familiar after having experienced 6 months of different is an odd sensation. I was sat down in McDonald s before arriving home, for a cup of coffee with Z. our taxi man, because apparently 'my eyes had to be slightly more open when I greeted the family'. My heart rate increased as the caffeine rush kicked in, and we zoomed past the twin towers, school, our local roti cannai stall, up the hill, into the rainforest and through the gates to our house, to be greeted by an emotional family of three - how I'd missed them. The next few hours are a little bit of a blur, I know it involved swimming, a few more coffees, a light lunch and a social dinner in a scrambled order, and then my head hit the pillow, and all I saw was stars, until a very loud "STOCKING TIME" could be heard, making it's way into my room. My 13 year old brother dragged everyone into bed, as we opened our stockings in delirium and fed off his contagious excitement. My stocking mainly consisted of bits and bobs for travelling, lots of yummy chocolates and a bit of make-up -- Santa, you did me well. After a light hearted christmas jam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8NeUGA0An0) I got on the Irish coffee's while dad began scrambling eggs to be served with buttered toast and smoked salmon - a Chrimbo must. Handel played in the background and the Christmas spirit continued throughout the day as we opened presents, socialized with friends over a big Christmas turkey and ham and gorged with minced pies and christmas pudding that were drowned in brandy butter, clotted cream and haagen daz ice cream... that will last for the next week. 

Family.

Family skype sessions on both side commenced as dusk approached, and we ran back and forth between the two computers to send our love to kin across the universe. The day wound down with a session by our pool, breathing in the KL night, and a few other things, with old friends and music - suddenly it didn't feel so strange any more  a friend described the sensation as 'having the pause button switched to play after 6 months of living different lives'. I miss London, the people and the fun, but KL has a few adventures of it's own that we're all ready to take on - expectamus in antecessum. 

Recipe of the day: Devils on horseback (our christmas classic)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/27/nigel-slater-devils-horseback-classic

Stars always follow a setting sun

To Tisbury we go

The sun's lower than it should be at 12:30pm as I sit and wind down, allowing all of life's little worries to slowly slip away as a stress-free family ridden weekend lies ahead. The weather's doing funny things now, 2 days ago I couldn't feel my fingers beneath 2 pairs of gloves and today I'm only wearing a T-shirt and cardigan. It fills me with slight dread knowing that in 8 days I'm going to step out of the aeroplane to be greeted by an intense wave of humidity. Acclimatizing to the tropics is going to take a few days of lots of pool and AC action, as I welcome frizzy hair and bikini's.
It's a bit of a shame really, the pain of the cold is worth it because it's leading up to snow and Christmas - the first part of that is something I just seem to have missed, out of sheer bad timing. The first 3 times it snowed in our area I was dead to the world, recovering from heavy nights - I woke up to the picturesque image of rooftops and gardens blanketed by a light layer of the soft, fluffy white stuff - the reflection of the low altitude sun was making it glisten and the pale blue background blended in perfectly. As for Christmas, I'm lucky to have been here for the build up. Watching the trees go from lush to naked - standing in rows and clumps with odd, bumpy, angular branches. At night they look like weeping willows from Harry Potter that are about to come to life and wrap their arms around you, trying to keep themselves as warm as possible by pulling you into their bare and magical worlds. 
Walking down the street, the few green plants and berries all stand frozen and preserved and a light layer of glittery frost covers everything. I picked a curled leaf off a branch the other day and it lay frosty and unchanged in my hand, a tiny piece of art. The lights are forever increasing in quantity, strung over trees, bridges and windows. Walking home I spot the tops of Christmas trees peeking through the windows, ours is spread out comfortably in the corner by the front door. M and I were leaning out our window the other day, braving the outside air to lift ourselves with a few puffs of an old friend. She described London as being muted in winter, and that was the perfect adjective to describe it. The usual buzz and chaos that London's so known for is reigned in a little, the light is dimmed, the temperature dropped, the layers added and the vibe softened. It's not such a rush.
I've always spent Christmas in the tropics and I feel so lucky for that, my Christmas' consist of tinsel wrapped around palm trees, drunken jams in swimmers and seafood lunches on the beach - it's special and different but it'd be nice to abide to tradition for a change.

So the countdown's on and the 'portals' have opened as of 12/12/12 -- that's what I was told by my my madre so I did a bit of reading and watching to get inspired and understand what I was preaching. So basically, the sun goes through a precession wherein every 72 years it moves backwards by one degree, journeying through all the zodiac planes - the 'age of Aquarius'  might ring a bell, this is the new astrological age that's begun, as the sun's equinox has moved from the Piscean constellation to the Aquarian one. So at various points in time, the sun is between its highest and lowest points in the sky, also known as an 'equinox'. One of these is to take place on December 21st - aka the December solstice, when the sun is positioned at the lowest point in the northern hemisphere and the highest point in the southern. It's in the centre of the milky way while crossing the galactic equator, and on December 21st at 11:11 (deep breath!), the precession of the equinoxes occurs. This happens only once every 26,000 years and the alignment will take place along the plane of the entire galaxy. This, as you can imagine, causes a huge physical change on earth..  
Just a few little random examples of how the movement of the moon/ sun affect our physical reality, to keep everything in perspective.. 1) That temperamental time when emotions run wild?  A woman's menstrual cycle is dependent on the position of the moon, affecting us both physically and emotionally 2) The movement of the tides (and given that the majority of our earth, and body consists of water, I'd say that's a pretty huge source of control.) 3) The migration and navigation of animals based on the position of the sun and sea etc etc etc. 
So during this shift, in spiritual terms, the 'portals' are believed to be open from 12/12/12 - 21/12/12,  the portals I refer to are "Places where the magnetic field of Earth connects to the magnetic field of the Sun, creating an uninterrupted path leading from our own planet to the sun's atmosphere 93 million miles away." In turn, creating different energetic fields and particles on earth, and in humans, allowing for concious growth and awareness. (http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2012/29jun_hiddenportals/).  It's a time to keep your heart open and your eyes wide. If I were to sit and breathe into this shift, the only image I could use to describe my inner experience is a wet cloth being tightly rung out. The emotional and physical changes happening right now are immense, and I'm using this 'shift', and my recently prescribed Microgynon (eek) to justify it. 
But what I seem to be picking up from all these spiritual sites and groups that I'm involved in, is the concept of 'unity conciousness' that's so important right now. We're so used to being individually wrapped up in our own worlds, yet we forget that we grow from others, so if this is a time for growth, it's important to feed into that. I, like many others, find that I get stuck in my own head a lot. Your problems absorb you and you lose perspective - other people bring you out of that. A recent source of inspiration, has come from a man named 'Bruce Lipton'. In one interview on 'the power of conciousness' he speaks of how we all have the ability to consciously change our realities if we emerge out of our habits that are controlled by our subconscious mind. His main message being that if we were to make the effort to live consciously for a larger percentage of the time, we could have anything - watch this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk). 

I'm looking over a green hill at the tip of a rainbow, the rest has faded and the very end where the pot of gold resides is lingering in the afternoon air. I'm daydreaming about the walk we're going to take later, past the little church at the bottom of the hill, up across the fields where the oak trees lie surrounded in a bleak mid-winter mist, and then up and over the gate that leads us back to the path, eesh I need to stretch my legs. But my monkey mind never hooks to one thought for long..
My bucket list is slowly being ticked off, but time seems to be, as it always it, the most limiting factor. Seeing family, godparents, old friends and new, buying Christmas presents, going to art exhibitions, markets, shops and restaurants  that I never saw and giving it all to the nights out that have to happen. Finishing the Crimbo rush and enjoying the last few days of a winter fling that's just started heating up; wondering what would have become if the flower girls adventures weren't so far away and if it were as easy as to hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks x

The smell of manure and sheep just wafted through the carriage - we're in the countryside!

Recipe of the day: Venison pie (had it last night, ah.mazing)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/venisonpie_89770
   

Glide with me

Christmas trees <3

Looking outside the window I get shivers and tingles all over. A mini mandy rush as the pale sunlight reflects off the thin layer of frost that's blanketing the ground - the foundation of winter. We're at the beginning, the progression is taking place as we all wait in anticipation for the white snowflakes to make their presence known, before the bitterness sets in and the everyone's hardiness is put to the test. My level of respect for people living in ridiculous climate conditions like Greenland, Sweden or Canada - where there are literally months of darkness, has grown considerably. And this is the beginning? My friend came back from Sweden telling me about the funny light contraptions people wear on their heads. It's basically to give them the 'sunlight' and vitamin D that they can't naturally get from the sun, as well as preventing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) etc.. The thought of resorting to artificial sunlight triggers so many alarm bells in my head, I wouldn't be able to cope with that but kudos to those who do!

The boys

Ice sofas

That's one thing I feel I've taken for granted -- sunlight. The grass is always greener on the other side though right? As Ginger tells us.. ;) -- Living in the heat involved wearing the thinnest clothes possible and no make-up (in fear of it melting off your face) with a the odd hoodie under your arm for those freezing cold, 16°C classrooms that we'd spend half our day sitting in. Warmer weather does drain more of your energy, your body relaxes into a sleep-wake state and your mind drifts as the waves of heat take their toll. My godfather here refuses to turn the heating on in his house to keep everyone 'alert' and stop it turning into a huge, warm, lazy sofa come January. I'd much prefer a the latter but hey, I'm not paying their electricity bills so I don't really have a say. Despite the docile attitude the heat can create, it is a lot easier to deal with. You don't have to worry about forgetting your 50 layers of clothing as you run out the door in shorts and a hoodie - mislead by the deceiving blue sunny sky (yes, this has happened to me on more than one occasion). I suppose it depends on the person and their preferences but I'm definitely more of a warm weather kinda gal - the tropics is a 17 day reach away and the hourglass is sifting that sand faster than I'd like so I shouldn't really spend it complaining about the cold.

My girl

I had a bit of a magical moment the other day. Gliding across the ice with 'santa clause is coming to town' being strummed and sang in a jazzy melody from the bandstand in the centre of the ice rink. I was feeling wintry in my (*faux) fur waistcoat, woolly hat and gloves. The first 10 minutes were terrifying - that unnatural feeling of being out of control as you try and gain your balance while trying to maintain a level of composure and not look like a complete numpty falling on their ass for the 10th time. I let down my guard and held onto the railings with the only other people on the rink that were in my boat, most of them being 10 - 12 year olds.. My mates went zooming off as soon as their skates touched the ice, letting go of any kind of fear and joining the mass surge of ice skaters as they rotated clockwise. Slowly, slowly I picked up the rhythm and was off with them - breathing in the cold night air and watching the millions of little Christmas lights blend into one as we got faster and faster. The bell tolled too soon and it was the end of our turn, we stumbled onto flat, dry ground, feeling funny as the sensation of walking slowly became normal again. The rest of winter wonderland awaited us with open arms. Wooden cabins serving mulled wine and warm cider, hot chocolate, hog roasts, churros, crepes, mountains of macaroons - the options were endless and all so appealing. It reminded me of the party I went to a few weeks ago, 'Regression Sessions'. It was themed around 'childhood', a time to regress - there were various rooms with games, ball pits, bouncy castles and lots of different DJ's. Children's nursery rhymes infused with techno beats echoed through the halls as crowds of drugged up teens swayed through the doors. A little ironic, and a tad corrupt - but lots of fun nevertheless. Winter wonderland was like a childhood fantasy come to life. I walked over to one of the games and bought 7 hoops for 3 pounds. The only aim was to loop a ring around one of the 20 prizes in the centre, I laughed when I saw how easy it looked. But the phrase 'looks can be decieving' rang through my ears as my hoops disappeared to nothing with no prize to claim. That was the only 3 pounds I spent on games that evening.

Mountains of macaroons.

I left Hyde Park with a fun and festive feeling. Reminiscing on how it felt to be 6 years old, waking up on Christmas morning and jumping into your parents bed with a stocking filled with pressies. I'd always pick up my stocking extra carefully, imagining that only hours ago, father Christmas had held it in his hands and filled it up specially (no sexual implications here, I promise). The carrots that we'd left out for the reindeer would be gone, and the glass of brandy for santa would be empty. I was afraid that that feeling of excitement and anticipation was gone, and the only feeling I'd wake up with on Christmas morning was a heavy head - but I've just learnt that it can come back - the beauty of the impermanent nature of feelings.
 I was walking to the station yesterday, passed Sainsburys, the off license, my old school and the post office, when I came to the pub right by the zebra crossing. It was 5pm and the skies light was dimmed - on the wooden table outside the pub was a little boy, about 4 years old. He was lying on the top of a table looking up at the dangling lights above him and just smiling. His eyes glittered and happiness radiated from his beaming face. His nanny was a few metres away shouting at him to get off the table because they needed to leave. We made eye contact and shared a cheeky smile, before he turned back to the lights and resumed his imaginary fantasy.

Just before the bell

When you observe kids and the interaction adults have with them, or even us - It's funny that our automatic response a lot of the time is to tell them off for doing something wrong, this engrained need to control them by assuming the worst. A little boy was running his toy car across a newspaper on the tube yesterday, and got told off for disturbing the man next to him - the man was smiling softly with no hint of blame - it's so unnecessary  I find myself doing that with my brother as well so I understand - I think it comes down to just loosening up and seeing things for what they are, like I mentioned in 'The monster in the closet', it shouldn't take something that does matter for us to realize what really doesn't.

Bathroom jams

Something else I respect about children is their ability to entertain - as adults we have our various methods to reach our ecstatic and whimsical fantasy worlds, but kids do it all the time, naturally. Yes, they don't have the same kind of responsibilities weighing on their shoulders and their heads aren't full of baggage - but if they can enter a state of bliss by merely looking up at Christmas lights, who's to say we can't do the same?
I'm trying to soak in as much of the Christmassy London vibe as I can before I go back to the tropics. I feel a sadness knowing I have to leave behind this home that I'm finally used to.  It's always felt impermanent knowing that there was a timeline to it all - but it's comforting knowing it's still going to lie here unchanged, with all it's bells and whistles when I come back next summer. There's still so much to be discovered in London - I've tasted the cherry that sits on a mountain of cake; so the sadness is impermanent too, like the sand that's making it's way through the hourglass.

Recipe of the day: Churros

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/churros/