Seaside and sunshine to yogis and gongs

Breakfasts in the pavilion at Seagarden

The birds are tweeting and the yogis are chanting; I'm on my third day of a detox retreat at 'Hariharilaya', located 12km North of Siem Reap. The days typically start at 5.30am, the resonating sound of the gong entering into our rooms as our soothing wake-up call (a nice change from your typical iphone or blackberry alarm!) Everyone makes their way to the yoga hut for the morning set, stretching into your body glove with eyes half open and finishing fully energized. The yoga varies in type every morning, some days it's rigorous Hatha while others it's slow and steady vinyasa/flow. A half an hour chanting session follows, to focus everyone's mind as we read the sanskrit words in front of us, before the 20 minute meditation, the last item on the agenda before breakfast is spread.  The rest of the day consists of various talks (on spirituality, Dharma, enneagrams etc), more meditation and optional workshops, acupuncture, blind massages, reiki, opportunities to cycle around the village, explore nearby temples, sun-tan naked in an enclosed bamboo hut, paint, draw, exercise,  read from the library of books and so much more. Everyone's typically off to bed by 10ish, worn out from the full-on day of activities. The man responsible for all this is 'J', a 33 year old yogi, who from the age of  6 joined the philharmonic orchestra in the US, touring the world until he decided to go to university and study linguistics for 6 years. Continuing on his spiritual path he has since created a yoga centre for people to share their passion and knowledge.

Woop woop!

It's amazing giving your body a break from any sort of toxins. The food is vegan here, and so creatively thought out. Incredible superfoods are available every day, one example is the amazing Kombucha tea: 'a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast' that's fermented using a fungus (manchurian mushroom) for months - it sounds odd, but tastes delicious after the natural flavourings are added to it  like lemon, mint, passion fruit etc. it's quality is to detoxify the body and energize the mind, basically, it's amazing, and is gulped down minutes after being released. Bee pollen's available in sachets to sprinkle over breakfast and if you need a bit of sweetness, 'bliss balls' with dates, coconut, palm sugar and oats are available for a dollar! ;)

I've been cycling around the village at 5.30am every morning since I've been here - A nice way for your eyes to slowly open into the day. It was funny coming out of my dream world and seeing the locals totally awake as they hacked away at pig heads and trotters in the local market and stopped the cat- fish from wriggling around in the big metal bowls. Further on down the dusty lane a little 6 year old boy rode a bicycle, carrying his friend behind him. Another little boy, who looked about 10, was leading a herd of cows along the road. He stopped, I wished him good morning in Khmer as he returned it with a shy smile, and continued walking the skinny cows through the lush paddy fields. A naked little girl held her arms out, balancing as she put one foot in front of the other on the high wall that surrounds 'Bakong Temple' - part of the ancient ruins known as Angkor Wat. My direction sense is hopeless, so of course I made the one wrong turn you could make and ended up lost and surrounded by empty food stalls, stressing out about what time it was, with no watch or phone to assist me. A sweet Khmer lady offered me a coconut and lead me to the right path and luckily, I arrived back in time for the gong to reverberate through the room, signalling the beginning of morning yoga.

I've come here for a bit of self-reflection, while J works for a few more days in Otress. I can't quite believe my stint there's already over. Every day merged into the next, probably due to a few too many flower fumes and the lackadaisical attitude of the place. Each day started with a morning swim while the sea was metallic and still, followed by a meditation and an Ice coffee (that we've now mastered, as well as the odd cocktail recipes that we want to remember). There were down days in paradise, when M's puppy died unexpectedly and the mood fell low as we all felt his sadness. But having to work at a bar and socialize always forces a smile that's eventually taken on as something real. The chefs (that hated what they did, and took it out on us constantly) had a nice streak one day, and prepared a group meal of fresh fish, lettuce, rice noodles and a delicious sauce to top it off - a great way to unify everyone for a few minutes before business took over again. I managed to finally cut my own king coconut, nearly chopping my leg off as I swung the machete in the wrong direction. But with time, lots of whining and too much sweat, I finally managed to do it without J's help, or A telling me that I needed 'more power!!' That night we had 9 of our mates sitting around the bar, dealing cards from our side, we managed a massive game of 'Yaneev', an Israeli card game that every traveller must know. It was a struggle playing, dealing the cards and making drinks at the same time, but it kept the night moving. That evening the liquor was flowing, so I decided to go craazy and have 2 shots! It was the end of the night, and my job was to wash the glasses. I gripped onto the bar stools trying to straighten my vision as I grabbed a chair, dragged it behind the bar, and proceeded to wash the blurry objects in front of me, sitting down with soap and water pouring everywhere - I was a mess. Soo since then alci's been off the wish list.

The Bizarre aeroplane club

 The next day before work J and I went to explore a few of the local beaches, coming across a bizarre Russian-owned club. The theme of the place was 'aeroplanes' and they took their theme seriously. They'd installed a massive aeroplane in the centre of the club, that you could climb into and mess around in. The DJ booth was the front of a truck and the sides of cars were hung up on the walls. It lead onto the beach, right next to a busy harbour. We jumped around, played pool and sped off to the next beach as the seconds ticked on before work was to begin. The other beaches were all beautiful and completely empty, similar to the expensive resorts, that were 5-star but lacked the main component - guests. One huge island that we could see from the beach, had recently had a huge, ugly, concrete bridge constructed from the mainland, allowing you to drive across. Only it wasn't for you to drive across, it was for the Rich Russian owner of the island, that built it because he wanted the pleasure of driving to and from his island in his expensive car. What some people do with their money just makes me laugh..

A fraction of the Sunshine Family

Topcat's been one of the best forms of entertainment, and although it's only $2 an hour, somehow every time a group of us went, each of us always ended up having to pay a bill of $20+.. We've since watched: 'Death at a funeral', 'One flew over the cuckoos nest', 'Senna', 'Lawless', 'The matrix', 'Exit through the Gift shop  and various others that don't spring to mind. After watching 'Exit through the Gift shop , a documentary made by a family friend that shows you the true grit that street artists experience, you really feel a sense of respect for them (the good ones). It's funny how a piece of art can be illegal one minute and then valued at $14,000 over night. Just another example of the impermanent nature of humans and our interests..

Otress sunsets

Our nights after Topcat or whatever excursion we'd been on, usually ended with a huge group of us sitting together on the big, comfy circle chairs on the beach, passing around doobs, playing shithead or yaneev and laughing about silly things. J's hungover mornings always made me laugh, especially when he had to dig out the drain for the dishwasher. Looking at his delirious, sweaty and unhappy face made me giggle - a glass of ice water was all I could offer. Every day went pretty well at work, we were usually on top form and had great chats and relationships with all the customers that came and went. However on one rare occasion, it didn't go so well. After only half a cookie that D&S had with us (if you're in Otress, $6 cookies at mushroom point ++!), things began slowing down and getting funnier. The orders were all confused, calculations for bills weren't happening and conversation started getting really difficult. We had 'a talking to' the next day, and it never happened again..


After a very slow night, I woke up with itchy feet again, so J and I rented a kayak for half the day, and journeyed off to a mystery island. We were the only ones there apart from the few fishing boats that were anchored in the surrounding sea. We climbed over big rocks, looked into stagnant rock-pools of mosquito larvae and dead crabs (that looked like 'the pit of death' in 'The Life of Pi'), caught crabs, meditated in the shade and skinny dipped in the clear blue water, with no one around to tell us not to. We'd taken a plastic bag with us for the few things that we'd decided to bring, and noticing the condensation in our bag of flowers, J spread them out on a rock in the sun, family Robinson style. 5 minutes later, it crumbled to dust in our hands - it was that hot; and no matter how much sun cream I lathered on, my skin still managed to turn a light shade of red. Despite the burn, it was probably one of the most exciting experiences, discovering a new island, that yes, had probably been seen by a quite a few others, but it was so nice being able to enjoy a place for it's beauty without being hassled or charged. After a few hours on the island that we'd claimed our own, we kayaked back, tension rising as we battled against the current, the frustration causing us to argue over meaningless things, with no way of escaping each other. We'd stop now and then to re-direct our kayak that seemed to have a mind of it's own and finally, we arrived back, everything resolved and nothing to complain about. It's funny how even if you're in paradise, you can catch yourself whining or complaining about nothing to just fill the time and find some imperfection. Try and see if you can have a day of not complaining about anything, just catch yourself before you do, and see how you feel afterwards - it's one of my goals.

Our adventure day on our mystery island

A new group of mates washed in and out with the tide, lovely E returned home to the Isle of White after a few blissful days. One of my favourite moments was on that perfectly moonlit night, a group of us all went swimming in the still shallows of that perfect Otress ocean, mouths hanging and eyes glistening as we watched the lightening storm miles away, flashes of light filling the sky every 5 - 10 seconds as I rocked with J's arms wrapped tightly around me. The girls were supposed to leave a day after E, but like everyone caught in the Otress spell (and a few financial mishaps), they thankfully prolonged their trip. W'W, a friend we'd made a few weeks before, surprisingly returned also, and now has a job on one of the nearby beautiful islands 'Koh Ta Kiev'; his excitement manifested itself in trying to convince all of us to move there and enjoy the benefits of his job with him 'free kayaking, return trips to the island, snorkelling, fishing, food and weed' we could recite the list a hundred times over, a few more days of hearing about it, and his ability to speak would've been severely impaired by one of us.

DC's BBQ

We visited Koh Ta Kiev on 'DC Tours', run by a mate in Otress who takes you island hopping to laze around on beaches, munch down on a BBQ of fresh seafood and giant clams, followed by spear fishing, cliff jumping (off a natural rock that looks unbelievably identical to an elephant - hence the name elephant rock) and lots of snorkelling. The Seagarden crew was on-board and we shared many laughs, fumes and games of frisbee before jumping off the boat and beginning our evening shift. The next day the weather changed and the clouds blew over, whenever a storm blows in, it's always an interesting time. The animals react, the attitude changes and the restaurant gets emptier. We were sitting on the big comfy chairs talking about going into town before the thunder began to rumble; we jumped up, got onto our bike and zoomed off down the road to get there before the storm could catch us. We were running from the rain, along with the other bikes on the road, I looked up to see swallows struggling against the wind, 50 shades of grey were visible in the clouds above it. We made it inside just as it began to pour and pour and pour - cleansing the town of its stagnant humidity.

My tummy's rumbling and my brain's rewinding back to the few days that the tummy bugs took over. At our restaurant we had guests running to and from the bathroom, people in the guest house opposite us, to our left and down the road, were all suffering similar illnesses. One man was rushed off to the hospital with severe gastritis and another bused back to Phnom Pen with a similar illness. As everyone was in such close proximity, eating the same foods and sharing the same J's, we all got each others lurgies. The thing about being sick in the tropics, is half the time you don't know what it is or how you got it. It could've been the water, the puppies, the food, the air - you've just gotta let it ride and hope it's nothing serious.. being sick all the time gets tiring though and the Otress chapter was coming to a close.

W'W rescuing the J from between the floorboards

We'd made a date to leave and J was going to head to Siem Reap for a week, but plans changed and Otress seemed a better option, the heat's always easier to deal with on the beach. We'd left our jobs at Seagarden and the deal had changed from 'free food & accom' to just 'free food' - not really worth it for a 7 hour shift. So sunshine became both our home and J's work - causing tension between both places as they were situated right next to each other. A sad way to end such a great streak, but hugs were shared all round on the last day, so at least the last note was somewhat sweet. The puppies ran to me as I said goodbye, they were so hard to leave, in just a few weeks they'd grown so big and developed such personalities - but every good thing comes to an end. Our last time at Topcat was lavish, chocolate, happy herb pizzas and lots of movies. We all sweat buckets sitting at 'We One Cafe', drinking ice coffees and zoning out as we attempted to put our attention into a card game. The girls had an amazing fresh pizza at Papa Pippos, our neighbouring restaurant, followed by a refreshing passion fruit sorbet. I Inhaled my last dinner -- a stodgy burger and chips, and W'W lifted the mood by performing the heroic act of the night, rescuing the J from between the floorboards with chopsticks - making the Chinese prouder than ever. I'd ticked everything off my bucket list, I could now drive the bike alone! My last drive back from town was a bit scary, helmetless and a bit lost I somehow made it home, J. breathing in a sigh of relief when I returned intact. We'd had our last 'Toga' party and I'd done my last walk down to Otress 2 to shell hunt with lovely L from mushroom point. On my last day the clouds were grey and I prayed that a storm would come, and so it did. It was so exciting sitting in the unusually rough ocean, feeling the force of the wind knocking you back while the waves pushed you forward, the big bang that needed to happen.  I'd bought a $7 phone to call J when I got off the sleeper bus, of course an hour in, it ran out of battery. I lay there looking down at my beautiful crystal necklace, designed by a mate who replaced us at S.G, she was constantly weaving and sewing her beautiful pieces of shell, bone, wood and crystal depending on what the customers ordered. But my eyes began to droop as the val kicked in and luckily no one sat next to be so the double bed was used to its fullest as i stretched out and fell asleep for the entire 12 hour bus ride.

Coconut man

Before I started travelling I envisioned myself getting through libraries of book (ok that's a slight exaggeration, but a fair few), yet unless you make your time available for it, it just gets eaten up by a million other things. I have managed to finish 'Freakonomics', a fantastic read that I never thought I'd enjoy, given that I don't find economics a particularly fascinating subject; yet the way Steven D. Levitt writes, is so applicable to what's going on today (the chapter on 'why most drug dealers still live with their mums' is definitely the most interesting!) I've just started the 933pg autobiography 'Shantaram' by Gregory Roberts. A man who was a criminal and a junkie, yet he escaped from one of the top security prisons in Aus by 'jumping over the wall', flew to Mumbai, joined the mafia, and took part in lots of other mind boggling escapades - it's a long but fascinating read.

The end of a beautiful day

So I've said goodbye to the crystal waters of Otress; the same waters that's current pulled the 3 girls out to sea when they attempted to swim to the island a few nights ago, arriving back hours later on a fishing boat, to a worried crowd. But more beautiful and mysterious seas are to come in Thailand. And for now, I'm embracing this break in the middle of the madness. The next post will be full of the teachings that will take place over the next few days, with our resident magician/ hypnotist, a chiropractor, a psychologist, a yogi, an actor, a director and so many others that are here to share what they know. The flower girl's tuning into her flower girl self and is soo excited!


Recipe of the day: Vegan pumpkin soup 
http://vegetarian.about.com/od/soupsstewsandchili/r/pumpcoconutsoup.htm

Crossing Oceans

B and I keeping warm

I opened my eyes this morning and didn't have to think twice to realize I was back in the tropics, it's growing on me. Monkeys instead of foxes, sweat instead of shivers, dresses instead of jumpers and rice instead of bread. I'm back in Asia! Stepping out the plane doors the familiar sticky heat blew over us, and the layers of clothes that I'd been wearing was slowly minimized. My eyes couldn't focus on one position due to sleep deprivation, climactic shock and a crazy week that involved a few brain numbing activities. I dragged my luggage along behind me, with no sense of self-conciousness after a 15 hour flight, only to hear my name called by a recognizable voice - 'shit.' I thought.  I turned around to a beaming familiar face, and her brother - She'd been sitting 2 seats behind me for 7 hours, and we hadn't seen each other once. My immediate response was 'what the fuck', that came out slightly louder than expected, only to be received by dirty looks from all the conservative Muslim women in burqas that surrounded us. To my relief, we all looked as bedraggled as each other, and it only served for more delirious laughter. The 14 hour flight was not something I'd wish to repeat, non-stop crying (by both myself and the 2 babies sitting in front of me), no sleep, delays, a hectic 10 minute transfer period, food that tasted like it'd come out of a clinical trial, uncomfortable seats and never mastering the right temperature.. but I'm here, safe and sound (much to the surprise of my entire extended family that for some reason, had their doubts..)

See the double halo?

Where to start, can I first congratulate everyone for 'surviving' the apocalypse!  I was so intent on feeling some sort of change occur at 11.11 on 21/12/12 but when I looked at the clock it was already 13 past - oh well. I was browsing Facebook yesterday though and on a group that I'm a part of called 'Catalysing Change' there was a post that explained what causes the 'halo around the moon'; apparently it's "caused by pencil-shaped ice crystals in cirrus clouds that bend moonlight. On Dec. 21st, Harald Edens of Magdalena, New Mexico, witnessed a double halo as seen in this photo. The inner 9-degree halo is caused by ice crystals in the shape of pyramids" - If you don't know the significance of pyramids, please do a bit of research, It's fascinating. But my point is, though I didn't see any profound physical change, at least someone did?

Grooving with my favourite boy
in the beer garden

The last week has been the craziest of my life. It was a familiar feeling that my grade had experienced post-graduation. Having to see each other as much as possible, attend everything that was going on and leave no time to breathe for 'FOMO' (fear of missing out) - only to suffer the consequences later. I remember having a conversation with my mum about this ages ago, because after about a week of the craziness, when it has died down slightly and your body has a minute to recuperate, the suffering begins. Why that happens is common sense, but what I found difficult to understand, was how your body can keep pushing when you know there should be a limit. In spiritual terms we call it 'ancestral energy' - it's like the core storage space that draws energy from 'our ancients' if you will for when we really need it, during illness or dire situations etc.. not when our body's can't handle too many substances or late nights out, which is where it can be wasted. Woops, the consequences aren't proving to be too fun.

Typical.

To summarize a week in a sentence: Party-crashing for free drinks by the Thames, Civilized dinners by candlelight in caves being served red wine and cheese, regressing to our youth with drunken nights on southbank in playgrounds, arcades and Japanese restaurants,  shivering on Hampstead heath watching psychedelic vibrating trees and London's reflection on an invisible lake, grooving to tunes in the beer garden in winter wonderland, farewell lunches with friends and family and raving in ecstasy under tube stations to deep dub with an eclectic mix of all my closest friends. It's been a sleepless adventure that I wouldn't give back for the world - they say living with someone makes or breaks your friendship, and M. - as best friends since day zero, I reckon we can say we've achieved success.. So the alarm went off 2 hours after bedtime and after a few kicks to turn it off, I scrambled the last of my things together, leaving a trail behind me of course, to jump into the taxi and head to Heathrow airport terminal 4. 'Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming' could be heard softly on the radio as I nodded off, only to be woken (what felt like) a minute later when we'd arrived. The recent loss of my debit card meant I had to actually pay attention to where my money was and what I was spending, so I bought the usual duty-free chocolates for the family, a couple of locks for my bag, and a coffee to keep my brain mildly active, counting the pennies as I went. The water-works soon started and I'd switched from the normal'ish looking teenager, to an exasperated mess.. that went on for longer than I would've liked..

Love for J in Trafalgar square

I gazed out of the small oval airoplane window that was cold from the high altitude.. The stars above doha twinkled in scattered clumps and before my eyes closed again, I felt like one of them. Stars appear on clear dark nights and leave when the sun comes up, always temporary but always there. The instability of my life at the moment feels immense in both a good and bad sense - the on-flight crew definitely picked up on it as my blanket got wetter and wetter with tear stains - but tonight wasn't about keeping up appearances as I slunk back to sleep in DLD trackies and a comfy hoodie - the best way to fly. I only managed to watch one movie 'L'amour dure trois ans' (love only lasts 3 years) that felt quite appropriate given that nothing seems to stay the same for long, but it's a good one to watch - not your typical Hollywood romcom.

The end of the world party <3

The stars faded and Kuala Lumpur showed it's face in the light of the dawn - driving along the highway chatting to our sweet taxi driver felt surreal, returning to the familiar after having experienced 6 months of different is an odd sensation. I was sat down in McDonald s before arriving home, for a cup of coffee with Z. our taxi man, because apparently 'my eyes had to be slightly more open when I greeted the family'. My heart rate increased as the caffeine rush kicked in, and we zoomed past the twin towers, school, our local roti cannai stall, up the hill, into the rainforest and through the gates to our house, to be greeted by an emotional family of three - how I'd missed them. The next few hours are a little bit of a blur, I know it involved swimming, a few more coffees, a light lunch and a social dinner in a scrambled order, and then my head hit the pillow, and all I saw was stars, until a very loud "STOCKING TIME" could be heard, making it's way into my room. My 13 year old brother dragged everyone into bed, as we opened our stockings in delirium and fed off his contagious excitement. My stocking mainly consisted of bits and bobs for travelling, lots of yummy chocolates and a bit of make-up -- Santa, you did me well. After a light hearted christmas jam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8NeUGA0An0) I got on the Irish coffee's while dad began scrambling eggs to be served with buttered toast and smoked salmon - a Chrimbo must. Handel played in the background and the Christmas spirit continued throughout the day as we opened presents, socialized with friends over a big Christmas turkey and ham and gorged with minced pies and christmas pudding that were drowned in brandy butter, clotted cream and haagen daz ice cream... that will last for the next week. 

Family.

Family skype sessions on both side commenced as dusk approached, and we ran back and forth between the two computers to send our love to kin across the universe. The day wound down with a session by our pool, breathing in the KL night, and a few other things, with old friends and music - suddenly it didn't feel so strange any more  a friend described the sensation as 'having the pause button switched to play after 6 months of living different lives'. I miss London, the people and the fun, but KL has a few adventures of it's own that we're all ready to take on - expectamus in antecessum. 

Recipe of the day: Devils on horseback (our christmas classic)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/27/nigel-slater-devils-horseback-classic

Stars always follow a setting sun

To Tisbury we go

The sun's lower than it should be at 12:30pm as I sit and wind down, allowing all of life's little worries to slowly slip away as a stress-free family ridden weekend lies ahead. The weather's doing funny things now, 2 days ago I couldn't feel my fingers beneath 2 pairs of gloves and today I'm only wearing a T-shirt and cardigan. It fills me with slight dread knowing that in 8 days I'm going to step out of the aeroplane to be greeted by an intense wave of humidity. Acclimatizing to the tropics is going to take a few days of lots of pool and AC action, as I welcome frizzy hair and bikini's.
It's a bit of a shame really, the pain of the cold is worth it because it's leading up to snow and Christmas - the first part of that is something I just seem to have missed, out of sheer bad timing. The first 3 times it snowed in our area I was dead to the world, recovering from heavy nights - I woke up to the picturesque image of rooftops and gardens blanketed by a light layer of the soft, fluffy white stuff - the reflection of the low altitude sun was making it glisten and the pale blue background blended in perfectly. As for Christmas, I'm lucky to have been here for the build up. Watching the trees go from lush to naked - standing in rows and clumps with odd, bumpy, angular branches. At night they look like weeping willows from Harry Potter that are about to come to life and wrap their arms around you, trying to keep themselves as warm as possible by pulling you into their bare and magical worlds. 
Walking down the street, the few green plants and berries all stand frozen and preserved and a light layer of glittery frost covers everything. I picked a curled leaf off a branch the other day and it lay frosty and unchanged in my hand, a tiny piece of art. The lights are forever increasing in quantity, strung over trees, bridges and windows. Walking home I spot the tops of Christmas trees peeking through the windows, ours is spread out comfortably in the corner by the front door. M and I were leaning out our window the other day, braving the outside air to lift ourselves with a few puffs of an old friend. She described London as being muted in winter, and that was the perfect adjective to describe it. The usual buzz and chaos that London's so known for is reigned in a little, the light is dimmed, the temperature dropped, the layers added and the vibe softened. It's not such a rush.
I've always spent Christmas in the tropics and I feel so lucky for that, my Christmas' consist of tinsel wrapped around palm trees, drunken jams in swimmers and seafood lunches on the beach - it's special and different but it'd be nice to abide to tradition for a change.

So the countdown's on and the 'portals' have opened as of 12/12/12 -- that's what I was told by my my madre so I did a bit of reading and watching to get inspired and understand what I was preaching. So basically, the sun goes through a precession wherein every 72 years it moves backwards by one degree, journeying through all the zodiac planes - the 'age of Aquarius'  might ring a bell, this is the new astrological age that's begun, as the sun's equinox has moved from the Piscean constellation to the Aquarian one. So at various points in time, the sun is between its highest and lowest points in the sky, also known as an 'equinox'. One of these is to take place on December 21st - aka the December solstice, when the sun is positioned at the lowest point in the northern hemisphere and the highest point in the southern. It's in the centre of the milky way while crossing the galactic equator, and on December 21st at 11:11 (deep breath!), the precession of the equinoxes occurs. This happens only once every 26,000 years and the alignment will take place along the plane of the entire galaxy. This, as you can imagine, causes a huge physical change on earth..  
Just a few little random examples of how the movement of the moon/ sun affect our physical reality, to keep everything in perspective.. 1) That temperamental time when emotions run wild?  A woman's menstrual cycle is dependent on the position of the moon, affecting us both physically and emotionally 2) The movement of the tides (and given that the majority of our earth, and body consists of water, I'd say that's a pretty huge source of control.) 3) The migration and navigation of animals based on the position of the sun and sea etc etc etc. 
So during this shift, in spiritual terms, the 'portals' are believed to be open from 12/12/12 - 21/12/12,  the portals I refer to are "Places where the magnetic field of Earth connects to the magnetic field of the Sun, creating an uninterrupted path leading from our own planet to the sun's atmosphere 93 million miles away." In turn, creating different energetic fields and particles on earth, and in humans, allowing for concious growth and awareness. (http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2012/29jun_hiddenportals/).  It's a time to keep your heart open and your eyes wide. If I were to sit and breathe into this shift, the only image I could use to describe my inner experience is a wet cloth being tightly rung out. The emotional and physical changes happening right now are immense, and I'm using this 'shift', and my recently prescribed Microgynon (eek) to justify it. 
But what I seem to be picking up from all these spiritual sites and groups that I'm involved in, is the concept of 'unity conciousness' that's so important right now. We're so used to being individually wrapped up in our own worlds, yet we forget that we grow from others, so if this is a time for growth, it's important to feed into that. I, like many others, find that I get stuck in my own head a lot. Your problems absorb you and you lose perspective - other people bring you out of that. A recent source of inspiration, has come from a man named 'Bruce Lipton'. In one interview on 'the power of conciousness' he speaks of how we all have the ability to consciously change our realities if we emerge out of our habits that are controlled by our subconscious mind. His main message being that if we were to make the effort to live consciously for a larger percentage of the time, we could have anything - watch this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk). 

I'm looking over a green hill at the tip of a rainbow, the rest has faded and the very end where the pot of gold resides is lingering in the afternoon air. I'm daydreaming about the walk we're going to take later, past the little church at the bottom of the hill, up across the fields where the oak trees lie surrounded in a bleak mid-winter mist, and then up and over the gate that leads us back to the path, eesh I need to stretch my legs. But my monkey mind never hooks to one thought for long..
My bucket list is slowly being ticked off, but time seems to be, as it always it, the most limiting factor. Seeing family, godparents, old friends and new, buying Christmas presents, going to art exhibitions, markets, shops and restaurants  that I never saw and giving it all to the nights out that have to happen. Finishing the Crimbo rush and enjoying the last few days of a winter fling that's just started heating up; wondering what would have become if the flower girls adventures weren't so far away and if it were as easy as to hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks x

The smell of manure and sheep just wafted through the carriage - we're in the countryside!

Recipe of the day: Venison pie (had it last night, ah.mazing)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/venisonpie_89770
   

Glide with me

Christmas trees <3

Looking outside the window I get shivers and tingles all over. A mini mandy rush as the pale sunlight reflects off the thin layer of frost that's blanketing the ground - the foundation of winter. We're at the beginning, the progression is taking place as we all wait in anticipation for the white snowflakes to make their presence known, before the bitterness sets in and the everyone's hardiness is put to the test. My level of respect for people living in ridiculous climate conditions like Greenland, Sweden or Canada - where there are literally months of darkness, has grown considerably. And this is the beginning? My friend came back from Sweden telling me about the funny light contraptions people wear on their heads. It's basically to give them the 'sunlight' and vitamin D that they can't naturally get from the sun, as well as preventing SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) etc.. The thought of resorting to artificial sunlight triggers so many alarm bells in my head, I wouldn't be able to cope with that but kudos to those who do!

The boys

Ice sofas

That's one thing I feel I've taken for granted -- sunlight. The grass is always greener on the other side though right? As Ginger tells us.. ;) -- Living in the heat involved wearing the thinnest clothes possible and no make-up (in fear of it melting off your face) with a the odd hoodie under your arm for those freezing cold, 16°C classrooms that we'd spend half our day sitting in. Warmer weather does drain more of your energy, your body relaxes into a sleep-wake state and your mind drifts as the waves of heat take their toll. My godfather here refuses to turn the heating on in his house to keep everyone 'alert' and stop it turning into a huge, warm, lazy sofa come January. I'd much prefer a the latter but hey, I'm not paying their electricity bills so I don't really have a say. Despite the docile attitude the heat can create, it is a lot easier to deal with. You don't have to worry about forgetting your 50 layers of clothing as you run out the door in shorts and a hoodie - mislead by the deceiving blue sunny sky (yes, this has happened to me on more than one occasion). I suppose it depends on the person and their preferences but I'm definitely more of a warm weather kinda gal - the tropics is a 17 day reach away and the hourglass is sifting that sand faster than I'd like so I shouldn't really spend it complaining about the cold.

My girl

I had a bit of a magical moment the other day. Gliding across the ice with 'santa clause is coming to town' being strummed and sang in a jazzy melody from the bandstand in the centre of the ice rink. I was feeling wintry in my (*faux) fur waistcoat, woolly hat and gloves. The first 10 minutes were terrifying - that unnatural feeling of being out of control as you try and gain your balance while trying to maintain a level of composure and not look like a complete numpty falling on their ass for the 10th time. I let down my guard and held onto the railings with the only other people on the rink that were in my boat, most of them being 10 - 12 year olds.. My mates went zooming off as soon as their skates touched the ice, letting go of any kind of fear and joining the mass surge of ice skaters as they rotated clockwise. Slowly, slowly I picked up the rhythm and was off with them - breathing in the cold night air and watching the millions of little Christmas lights blend into one as we got faster and faster. The bell tolled too soon and it was the end of our turn, we stumbled onto flat, dry ground, feeling funny as the sensation of walking slowly became normal again. The rest of winter wonderland awaited us with open arms. Wooden cabins serving mulled wine and warm cider, hot chocolate, hog roasts, churros, crepes, mountains of macaroons - the options were endless and all so appealing. It reminded me of the party I went to a few weeks ago, 'Regression Sessions'. It was themed around 'childhood', a time to regress - there were various rooms with games, ball pits, bouncy castles and lots of different DJ's. Children's nursery rhymes infused with techno beats echoed through the halls as crowds of drugged up teens swayed through the doors. A little ironic, and a tad corrupt - but lots of fun nevertheless. Winter wonderland was like a childhood fantasy come to life. I walked over to one of the games and bought 7 hoops for 3 pounds. The only aim was to loop a ring around one of the 20 prizes in the centre, I laughed when I saw how easy it looked. But the phrase 'looks can be decieving' rang through my ears as my hoops disappeared to nothing with no prize to claim. That was the only 3 pounds I spent on games that evening.

Mountains of macaroons.

I left Hyde Park with a fun and festive feeling. Reminiscing on how it felt to be 6 years old, waking up on Christmas morning and jumping into your parents bed with a stocking filled with pressies. I'd always pick up my stocking extra carefully, imagining that only hours ago, father Christmas had held it in his hands and filled it up specially (no sexual implications here, I promise). The carrots that we'd left out for the reindeer would be gone, and the glass of brandy for santa would be empty. I was afraid that that feeling of excitement and anticipation was gone, and the only feeling I'd wake up with on Christmas morning was a heavy head - but I've just learnt that it can come back - the beauty of the impermanent nature of feelings.
 I was walking to the station yesterday, passed Sainsburys, the off license, my old school and the post office, when I came to the pub right by the zebra crossing. It was 5pm and the skies light was dimmed - on the wooden table outside the pub was a little boy, about 4 years old. He was lying on the top of a table looking up at the dangling lights above him and just smiling. His eyes glittered and happiness radiated from his beaming face. His nanny was a few metres away shouting at him to get off the table because they needed to leave. We made eye contact and shared a cheeky smile, before he turned back to the lights and resumed his imaginary fantasy.

Just before the bell

When you observe kids and the interaction adults have with them, or even us - It's funny that our automatic response a lot of the time is to tell them off for doing something wrong, this engrained need to control them by assuming the worst. A little boy was running his toy car across a newspaper on the tube yesterday, and got told off for disturbing the man next to him - the man was smiling softly with no hint of blame - it's so unnecessary  I find myself doing that with my brother as well so I understand - I think it comes down to just loosening up and seeing things for what they are, like I mentioned in 'The monster in the closet', it shouldn't take something that does matter for us to realize what really doesn't.

Bathroom jams

Something else I respect about children is their ability to entertain - as adults we have our various methods to reach our ecstatic and whimsical fantasy worlds, but kids do it all the time, naturally. Yes, they don't have the same kind of responsibilities weighing on their shoulders and their heads aren't full of baggage - but if they can enter a state of bliss by merely looking up at Christmas lights, who's to say we can't do the same?
I'm trying to soak in as much of the Christmassy London vibe as I can before I go back to the tropics. I feel a sadness knowing I have to leave behind this home that I'm finally used to.  It's always felt impermanent knowing that there was a timeline to it all - but it's comforting knowing it's still going to lie here unchanged, with all it's bells and whistles when I come back next summer. There's still so much to be discovered in London - I've tasted the cherry that sits on a mountain of cake; so the sadness is impermanent too, like the sand that's making it's way through the hourglass.

Recipe of the day: Churros

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/churros/

Is that a bell I hear?

The first lights

The lights are up on Oxford Street and the bells are starting to ring - Christmas is fast approaching! I wondered down the street at 5pm, the sky was darker than a midnight sky in KL, the air was fresh and the lights were twinkling. Giant candy canes, presents and santa claus's were everywhere as you craned your head to look into the bright yellow lighting against the suitably dark background - and then the massive 'Marmite' light appears - just in-case anyone was wondering who the sponsor was! Talk about being subtle..

Oxford street

I've begun tuning into this method that everyone seems to be using, and now I understand why. Spend hours walking around shops, being distracted by items you don't need, stressing out about prices you can't afford and then leaving after a few hours with nothing because indecisiveness took its toll. Or, click a few buttons and have whatever you want delivered to your doorstep a few days later. I don't really like the reliance on technology, but if you embrace it, your life can be made so much easier. I'm talking about on line shopping just in case you haven't clocked. There have been times when my lack of technology skills have landed me with 5 different phone covers from eBay when I'd only ordered one, or a broken digital camera (I'd missed out the 'refurbished' label on the item description page). But you can only learn from your mistakes, if everything in life went smoothly all the time, we'd be bored senseless.

Fambam

Thanksgiving's just passed aswell - something the Brits don't really go mad about but having been brought up in International (but Americanized) schools my whole life I've always had those amazing American friends (that over emphasize any festivity in such a contagious manner) that have invited us all over for  huge.turkey.dinner. Now in Psychology, it's been proven that our memory's are inaccurate hence when we think back on an event it will never be exactly what it was due to subjectivity and ra ra ra. But I like to think that some memories are accurate, even if you fantasize them into more than they are - who really cares, it makes for a better story. One such memory was when I was about 12 years old and we were invited over to T & D's for Thanksgiving dinner - We drove up to the house and out the front windscreen I could see a red hat with a white bobble peeking out above a huge sleigh. The other kids that were invited were jumping onto Santa's lap for a photo in his sleigh as the parents stood around and cooed lovingly. I walked into the house, and it was like we'd been teleported to a winter wonderland special. There were decorations everywhere, the AC's were on full blast, lights were twinkling, and gingerbread, chocolates and cookies were scattered around the house in idyllic red and green bowls. The evening rocked along to the carols that were playing as a perfectly suitable background soundtrack for the night; the first course of rich mushroom soup appeared accompanied bread, rolls and the like. The main act followed, a huge turkey, cooked to perfection with a side of roast potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce etc etc etc. The after-main palette cleanser of champagne sorbet followed and then came the stream of countless desserts, pumpkin pie, Christmas cake, cookies, coffee, chocolates - talk about a food baby. We were all preggers by the end of it, and slept like babies that night - waking up with out bellies still full. If there's ever a festive season to over-indulge, I'd give Christmas the prize. It's been my excuse for putting on the extra pounds lately, it's winter, it's cold, we're in need of insulation - animals hibernate for however many months, we need something to keep us going!

I do have friends that aren't as in to the Christmas buzz as I am - and use the argument of authenticity to bring down the mood. I slightly agree but I enjoy playing into it, cynicism isn't for everyone. Yes, Christmas has lost a lot of what it stands for -- I mainly follow the ideals of Buddhism so Christmas isn't about the religious aspect for me, it's about the coming together of family, friends and food, the extra's are just part of the fun. Yes, as a society the commercial side of festivities takes over a lot, we buy into what they want us to believe - we have to buy this, eat that and go there to have a 'merry Christmas'  but even if the exterior of the season is painted for us, the interior is the reason we love it so. That feeling on Christmas morning can't be bought with money or sold through an advertisement - but sometimes the ride's funner than the destination.

My distorted memory in a snapshot

Gingerbread late's and minced pies  in Starbucks

Besides the lead up to Christmas  we're also leading up to the big day that's been written about, made into films, and debated for years and years. The Auspicious day of December 21st. 'The end of the world', the end of the Mayan calendar  the day world war 3 starts, the day the economy changes for good, the day we lose all our natural resources, or the next ice age starts because global warming goes a wal!  What to believe, what to expect? The advise I've been given for that day, is 'be with someone you feel spiritually connected to and spend the day with them'. Whether it's sitting down meditating, having a really good heart to heart, or just laughing about nonsense. I think December 21st marks a change in human conciousness. Over the past few months/ the last year, it's been a huge time of change, as it always is, but more-so. The shift has been immense, the amount of political mishaps, natural disasters, emotional breaking points, deaths etc. have been increasing at a seemingly exponential rate as though testing us - as though to create a divide between those that can handle it and those that can't. Those that can will sore post-Dec 21st, and continue to grow in a positive fashion (speaking in linear terms here), whereas those that haven't been able to handle it, getting too caught up in the web of confusion that it's created, will not flourish as so. There's a 'spirit science' clip that explains what I've adopted as my belief -- not to say it's right, but there are too many options to sit on the fence on this one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adyqBP5selM) One thing I will say, is I don't think it should be a time of fear - anxiety's one of those feelings that isn't very progressive and because the ever-so-daunting future can hold anything, we may aswell venture into it with our chins up.

A wintry night out

I'm still in my PJ's and am pondering the idea of getting dressed but can't really face the brief few seconds of feeling the harsh cold against my skin as the transition into day-wear begins.. deep breath, here goes.

Drink of the day: Eggnog

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/eggnog/

M&J In wonderland

The caterpillar

I sat on the tube today on my way back from work and just listened. I could here the tinny electronic beats of a clubby techno tune that the guy next to me was listening to. The girl opposite was stressing out about which station to get off at, constantly shifting in her seat and itching to get up as the doors opened at each stop. We were at 'Gospel Oak Station' according to the Ladies recorded voice that repeated its way down the carriages. I was on the last tube of the night - it made me think how unbelievable the concept of tube/ train conductors are, we still have them? Technology's developed to the point where we have bar codes splashed over everything to enable people and their smartphones to access a specific website/ product etc. My friend whom I stayed with in Holland had a robot that automatically switched on at a regular time bracket every day, to clean the house, and webcam's will soon become a thing of the past as holographic projectors begin to take over. These are just a few minor examples of how technology's improving, yet our system of public transport that is used by thousands every single day, is still such an old world idea. I wonder how many years it will take for electric pods to zoom us through the tunnels of the underground in no time at all.

Nature

This weekend I managed to escape the tubes, trains, shops and city life for a country getaway at my Aunts beautiful estate in Wiltshire. It was 6pm when we arrived to a dark night sky and fresh country air. We strolled through the fields for half an hour to wind down and take a few deep breaths of the countryside. I'd brought one of my best friends along for the experience, she'd never been there before so it was exciting sharing a familiar home. It's funny seeing things by night, if there are no lights on and you stare ahead of you, anything could exist. It reminded me of the movie Coraline, there's a scene where the little girl and her cat walk 'off the grid', and  nothing ahead of them exists. Castles, seas, city's and towns could have been in front of us and we'd never know until the morning. But sure enough, the sun rose the next day, and it all came to life - the rolling hills of green spotted with clumps of trees, sheep and horses. The foliage is all dying away and it's nearing the end of the mushroom season but we still managed to find a million different kinds in the long grass and on the stumps of tree trunks.  Mushrooms are fascinating, in a previous post I mentioned a TedTalks video based on mushrooms and their magical qualities (I'm not just talking about hallucinogenics - they are incredible [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI5frPV58tY] ). They look so alien as well - from afar the elephant ear mushrooms look like white plates thrown onto the grass, others look like warped pieces of tissue paper and some are just your stereotypical helmets on stalks, with colours ranging from white to yellow to orange to black.

Alice moments

I had a few family commitments but managed to fit them all in breezily; lunch with Gran followed by a quick spot of mince pies and tea - it made me appreciate my English heritage. I took M. for a stroll in Gran's garden, passed fragrant lavender that's not nearly as wild as in the summer. Frost had started to form over the little flower buds and a light layer was on the ground below. Bonding time with the cousins was also in order, zooming over the hills on quad bikes at the highest gear they'd go as our hands and cheeks lost all sensation (and colour) due to the nippy weather, fishing for Pike on the edge of the wooden dock that leaned over the running water and dossing out to 'friends' on the sofa, with the heating on full. I saw hale for the first time since I was 8 and ran to the window like an excited child - earning me strange looks from everyone in the room. I stuck my hand out and felt the icy stones pelting down and melting as they landed. I can't wait for snow to fall - it would make the cold bearable having a beautiful white blanket surrounding you.

Self explanatory?

That evening we tasted our freshly picked shrooms and spent the next couple of hours giggling and dancing under the stars, watching them twinkle and float into all sorts of shapes and sizes. We sat down to 'Dumbo', an old time favourite, our eyes glued to the screen as 'Pink Elephants on Parade' began. Watching the cartoon years later takes on a whole different perspective. All I could focus on were the pencilled lines of the characters, it's such a difference watching old-style cartoons when each movement was drawn out instead of being completely computer animated. The old Disney films have such a magic touch that no new one can capture - nostalgia filled the air and I finished the movie with a new life-goal, to adopt the sweet little elephant with the oversized ears.

giggles x

Hongos

Our country weekend rounded up with a food coma. We sat around the table with a Sunday Roast and lots of wine; Roast beef, Yorkshire pud, roast potatoes  roasted veggies and all the condiments. Food really brings people together - and is something I've noticed that family members always leave with you, as long as you've left the kids fed, the rest can sort itself out. We sat on the train back to London feeling nourished and revamped, with our countless bags that were stuffed as tightly as they could be onto the seat next to us. An hour and 45 minutes whizzed by, and we decided to end our holiday with a bit of Wasabi. (Low-budget Japanese food, HIGHLY recommended). We're lucky to be living together as we didn't have to face the depressing scene of unpacking alone and filling everyone in on how amazing your weekend was, and how upset you are to be back. We unpacked laughing about our time together and the moments that only we'd understand, and snuggled down to an episode of breaking bad before popping back down the rabbit hole and entering into a Sunday night dream.

Recipe of the day: Roast Beef

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/perfect-roast-beef