The monster in the closet

Most people live their lives in a seemingly monotonous way, we have our routines and schedules - society shapes what we do whether it's attending school, sitting in an office or handing out fliers. Of course there's leeway and space for choice but ultimately it's all pre-determined unless we decide to fly completely off the tracks and disregard the laws that have been created for us, resulting in being given a label like 'insane', of course there are institutions for that 'condition' as well. The point of this rant is that when life throws things at you that are out of the blue, that bump you out of auto-pilot mode and cause you to actively change course or process whatever card you've been dealt, it makes us more alive again.

Uncle P I found you on google!

Today I received an incredibly daunting whatssap from my dad before our weekly skype chat (scheduled due to time difference): 'I have some bad news.' It's interesting how at those moments you suddenly understand the difference between thinking with your heart and your head. I felt like I was being gripped and my bodily response was 'all signals alert' as I sat at my computer with a furrowed brow, slowly pressing down the green 'answer call' button with shaking fingers to engage in a conversation that I knew would leave me in tears. 

My uncle Patrick Sandeman passed away today, the family had been wondering who would tell me before I saw it across the news on TV. He always lived on the edge hence his passion in skydiving. A few hours ago a fluke collision occurred between himself and another skydiver causing him to die on impact, hopefully in a moment of complete exhilaration and excitement after having had three amazing kids, a loving marriage and a successful career. My thoughts and tears today go out to them all. 

The conversation I had with my family over skype was an hour of no ego, all defences down. The importance of all the small things that we'd quibble about or discuss, the little worries like money or what time I was getting to bed every night lost their significance and everyone just sat shaking their heads, with red puffy eyes and wet cheeks. The image sounds depressing but it was really a moment of understanding and awakening.

My uncle :)
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/tribute-skydiving-plunge-victim-053009777.html

I don't like the idea that life requires certain ups and downs to appreciate things or to keep yourself in check. One rarely pays full appreciation to life until they experience the pain of dealing with a death, the feeling of love isn't appreciated until the pain of heartbreak has been felt and a great night out isn't enjoyed unless there are a few bad ones to compare it to. But having those episodes and moments that we don't ask for or expect, or have planned out in our leather-back diaries, those episodes keep us alive and aware.

I woke up this morning moaning about the cuts on my back that stung when the water hit them in the shower. That was the worst thing going on in my life at that moment, but now it doesn't seem to matter and is at the bottom of my worry list-- Unfortunately today the monster in the closet made the children scream and not laugh but the family's unifying and the pillars are forming for those most deeply affected, to support them through this time of tragedy.


Tea of the day: Vanilla-earl grey (the tea for sadness)
http://www.teamotionstea.com/blog/?page_id=20