Wilderness

The beautiful lake
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

'Bling', the familiar sound of a new email, yeahhh baby! A confirmation of my Wilderness ticket for 2013. I feel like you have to do at least one festival a year, so in exchange for a free ticket, I had to do 2 shifts catering at this years banquet with 2 of the hottest chefs in London, Hix and Ottolenghi. What a deal! One of my best friends T from KL was interested too so soon enough we were both on board and immersed in the pre-festival rush.

Empire of the sun performing in the sky
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

I'd packed my bags, ticked everything off the list, tent, glitter, disposable camera, sleeping bag, draw, wet-wipes.. T and I were heading to Wilderness 2013 but "the real jewel in Wilderness’ crown is Cornbury Park itself (one of the most ancient forests in Britain today): the estate has an enduring beauty and a sense of untouched grandeur. World-class, 800-year old deer park encircled by a ribbon of ornamental lakes. And whilst the lakes and forests provide the perfect backdrop to while away the daytime, so open fires and candle light provide a perfect accompaniment to an evening of outdoor dining and live music." (wildernessfestival.com). 

First day eeek :)

(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

We arrived in different cars, carpooling with strangers who were heading to the festival as well, for £8 return via 'gocarshare.com'; a great way to avoid the £60+ train fare. S and M (excuse the pun) helped me with my bags and I set off to find the ticket booth, with a semi-flexible time frame of 30 minutes before the sun went down and the booth closed. Unfortunately, it just so happened that I began on the opposite side to where I needed to be, and with no wrist band to take the short cut through the festival, I had to walk the perimeter of the beautiful grounds - a lovely walk if you're not in a rush & carrying heavy bags, always a downside to festivals. But I got there! And in front of me were the high pitched voices of excited girls working for the same catering company as I, for our weekend of madness. I collected our wristbands and sat on the grass - When technology becomes unavailable, meeting up with people suddenly turns into total disorder. I suddenly gained so much respect for all the past generations who'd managed to stay in touch without phones or internet. Fighting the urge to pee, I stayed with my mound of luggage hoping T would arrive in the same spot as I. Surrounding me were groups of chilled out rastas wearing their green, gold and red; toffs in their polo necks and hunter boots, flower filled hippies with crystal balls and delighted children running between the ancient trees. This festival was the perfect allegory for the ability our country has (at times) to function as one, despite our differences and eclectic class system. T arrived, shaggy haired and weighed down with his multiple bags and we trekked over hills, back and forth until 'crew camping' spread itself in front of us. We chose a spot to pitch our mobile home for the next 4 days: 
. near a tree
. in front of a caravan/ a little blue car 
. about 200m from the portaloos

Fancy dress in the reading tent

I tried to make a mental note in fear of my constant weakness of getting lost (but despite my efforts, I still roamed that camp site for about 15 minutes each time I tried to find our tent *sigh* .. I swear it's genetic). 

Alice's tea party
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

We lay out the pegs, highly aware of the slowly approaching darkness, discussing all the things we'd rather be doing. But we managed! Just as the temperature dropped and everything around us suddenly disappeared. Shit, no torch.. the list of all the essentials we hadn't brought suddenly  grew a page. Patience is a virtue that we needed at that point, due to the fact that everything we did took 10x as long as it should've. Sight is our strongest sense and that deprivation creates such disorientation, meaning touch has to become everything. What did that white shirt feel like? What wrapper were those cereal bars in again.. ugh not the deodorant. The incense burned and the plumes of flower filled smoke curled up to the centre of our tent as the dim light of a slowly dying phone glowed in the corner. Rice cakes and hummus would have to do, a seemingly simple snack but somehow I managed to spread the hummus over just.about.everything, woops! :)

Swimalims

We braved the cold and crawled out of our tents. The 'innocence' crew were our neighbours, a total bonus when you're being handed free smoothies every morning to replenish a bit of everything you'd lost the night before. We walked across the wet, muddy grass as the notorious British drizzle began and the grey clouds greeted us again. We could smell the whiffs of fried garlic and pot noodle as people covered up their pots and pans and portable stoves. One thing about festivals now, is the prices, you pay for the ticket but that just allows you a bit of walking space. The rest, all has a price tag, and it's the perfect place for a business as you can charge whatever kind of extortionate fee you want (because it's not like the majority of us come that prepared). We'd accepted it though and tucked in to the one or two amazing £5 - 15 pound meals a day, the choices were brilliant. There was a meatball stand where we munched on spinach, pork and ricotta meatballs with wild rice and tomato sauce, mac n cheese, chorizo wraps, English breakfasts, burgers, pizza, award winning Indian curries or Buddha bowls. The food was scattered around the festival and it took us 4 days to figure out everything that was on offer. Outside each little cove of stalls were hay stacks and grass to spread out on, some areas sheltered, some not. During the day you could check out the forum tents, the comedy arenas, roller discos, bubble shops, banquets, clothes, make-up tents and wood-working stations. We spent most of our time by the lake when the sun was out, lounging on the edge and soaking up the vitamin D before the clouds took it away in exchange for goosebumps. The lake was freezing and full of weeds but once your body got moving the warmth spread comfortably. Dotted on the side were beautifully built, round, wooden sauna's that could be enjoyed, for £30 an hour... The steam rose from them as their victims threw their heads back and watched the clouds flying by. Early morning was the nicest time for a swim, the nudists stripped themselves of their layers and dived in, the 20 year old lifeguard making an effort not to peak as he scanned the vicinity from the big fallen log. But that all came the next morning. We'd spent our first night just observing, wondering around, looking in shame at the crumpled up beer cans that littered the floor and shrugging off the odd drunkard that would find their way onto our shoulders. The music hadn't started yet and only silhouettes of huge crane-like structures, stages and rides could be seen, their secrets not to be discovered until morning came..

(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

We made our way back to our tents, delirious and thankful for the warmth of our sleeping bags, the blow-up mattresses were arriving with my cousin the next day, so the lumpy floor would have to do for a night. I woke earlier than T and left him sleeping to stretch out in the lake, the drizzle hadn't subsided but an hour later, when T's sleepy head poked itself into the day, the sun spread its warmth over the camp-site.  Strums of guitars could be heard around us and the festival gear was out, glitter, fluorescent lycra and funky masks - I looked around me wondering what other lives these people lead before they stepped over the barrier. It was a 4 day break, and having been working myself, I shared their relief. The three themes of the festival were 1) La Belle et la Bête 2) Masquerade ball and 3) Dance of the vagabond dreamers (1920's esque) but anything extravagant and colourful would fly.

Chef Ottolenghi and Sammi
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

Crunchy granola with deep red strawberries & yoghurt with a warm mocha was enjoyed for breakfast, followed by a wonder through the fairy garden, the yoga huts and gongs, a guided meditation and a game of badminton or table tennis. How civilized! The gypsy kids were doing flips and practising their performance for later, giant bubbles floated by, catching every colour of the rainbow as they drifted over the trees, producing smiles and reflecting off of wide eyes before they popped and became one with the air. The 3 pieces of clothing we had to bring for the banquet were jeans, white T's and converse. T forgot the main component so we headed off on a jeans hunt, with one or more doubts as to what we'd find. But karma was on our side and a jeans shop popped up, right next to the winter jackets that I swarmed to. The owner of the shop was a happy man that day, as the coats and jeans dropped away one by one and everyone got a little warmer each time, including us. 

Salmon on rye - catering at the banquet
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

Into the banquet tent we ran and work-time began. The next few hours we bonded with our fellow workers, it was paradoxical being in festival/ work mode as we went from jokes to serious tasks, balancing wine glasses on trays and serving food without dropping it all over the animated guests that had paid £75 for their meals.. Ottolenghi was the chef for the first night, a vegetarians favourite - sweet beetroot salads, salmon on rye, rosemary potatoes, lamb shanks, wheat-free chocolate fudge cake - it never ended. By the end of service we were all completely loopy after having downed a few wines before they got chucked into the alci bucket. We laughed and stumbled into the tent, munching on the mounds of leftovers that'd been saved for us. Eating was the last thing on our mind, so with our new-found group, we bumped and skipped our way over hills and tent pegs to the little circle, watching the transformation of caterers to wacky festival goers. The wigs and costumes were out with a splash of M and C. Spinning to the sound of the beat we ran and joined the rave in the secret valley. All you could see was a wave of people, crazy costumes and wide eyes, all green and elevated due to the bumpy hills and funky lights. From stage to stage we hopped, dancing the night away until the silent 2am alarm went off and the music stopped.. when you stop dancing your body heat noticeably lapses and the light of the fires called our name. We squeezed in to the tight circle surrounding the powerful heat of the white embers and blue flames. Folky tunes began and I looked across from me, at a familiar face that I couldn't quite place. I shuffled over to him "do you know Eden? The forest rave in Koh Phangan?" "yeah.. we live there!" And in that moment, a sense of fate was shared. Amidst the thousands of people, on the other side of a fire in Oxfordshire, England, I had just bumped into the musical, eccentric twins, that months ago I had shared a sunrise together with J. after an all-night-all-day rave in a remote area of Thailand, on the other side of the world. For the rest of the night we caught up, appreciating the lick of the flames on our cold skin, before sleeping soundly until morning. 

That faux fur coat saved me.

Bumping into the twins <3

Saturday was our day off and we had until 11.30am on Sunday to recover before our afternoon shift with Hix. So we went for it, a morning swim, breakfast and a sesh, bumping into new friends and checking out the secrets that were still revealing themselves. And then at 5pm it all kicked off. From funk to orchestras to jazz to house we danced till our legs could take no more, stopping off at the water-filling stations that were always jam-packed. I spotted a beautiful owl mask worn by E, my older cuz who was jamming it out with his girlfriend and crew. Sticking with a group brought with it both stress and security. Staying together was tough but finding people you thought you'd lost was fun. The night ended rather messy as I woke up to the door of the cubicle, inches from my nose, realizing I hadn't quite made it to my tent before my eyes had shut. I wondered the fields in the darkness, tripping over tent peg after tent peg and rustling the sleeping tents as I clumsily struggled to stay awake. Damn it! I'd tripped again, but then I realized they weren't tent pegs this time, but 2 legs, that hadn't quite made their way into the tent either. T had passed out in the entrance of the tent and I crawled over him, fully dressed & made-up, passing out on whatever softness I could find.. oh dear. A man in a neighbouring tent had a serious snoring problem that was always one of my auditory landmarks whenever I was lost.. but that Saturday night, no snoring was gonna keep us awake! We woke up on Sunday feeling remarkably fresh, having slept at least 8 hours and not spending the whole night in a manky festival toilet cubicle :s. 

The sanctuary
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

We gave ourselves the perfect amount of time to chill and enjoy a leisurely breakfast before our shift. This one went slower than the rest, it's tough working when it's a beautiful day outside but I guess everyone has to deal with that now and again.. just not so much in England. Buttering bread, stabbing chickens and placing gravy was the appetizer on our menu but we munched through it with vigour and grace until the witching hour struck and we all sat down happily in the sun, enjoying a big plate of Hix's fabulous food. Beer sticks, jellied ham, roasted chicken, grilled vegetables, soda bread and eton mess, mmm. Trays of food were still left once we'd had our fill so T and I filled cups of strawberries and placed them neatly in a box with a sign that read '£1 strawbugs!' We went around the festival, selling soda bread and strawberries for £1 each, and after 15 minutes, we'd made £40 and funded our night ahead. Collect phones from charging station, drop, get dressed, party. And went our last night. We discovered a tent in the neighbouring field that was full of various concoctions and spells, and soon we were under one. I ate olives under a tree and watched the sky turn from cartoon to reality as T and I struggled to communicate, snuggling under the random sleeping bag that lay overlooking the lake. People were generous that night, and despite a few mean looks, we were given everything, from masks to love to sleep. 

A spectacular end
(Picture from Wilderness FB group)

We'd packed up pretty much everything the night before, so only the tents, sleeping bags and mattresses needed to be zipped up. On with the bags and off with our heads we waved goodbye to the characters of Alice and Wonderland that had greeted us the night before, the fantastical entertainment, food and people. Hopping into our carshares we journeyed home, anticipating the Tuesday blues and the post-festival depression. I walked through the door, had a hot shower and lay down. Had that really happened?

Artist of the day: The Correspondence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZukiRrYROA

From bowling balls to swirly clouds

I sit dozily at an incredibly slow computer in the underrated town of Vang Vieng - Laos. We've since conquered Luang Prabang, the french world heritage site with no loud noises, hundreds of monks in bright orange attire and beautiful french architecture lining the streets. We began by finding our guesthouse that had been reccommended by our french friends in the previous town we were in. We rocked up, picking up a few new friends from the boat E., J. and O. on the way. A cool dude from the Isle of White and 2 lovely Canadian girls that are almost finished uni. The beauty of arriving in a big group (given there's space) is you practically get a dorm for yourself, making it our new home again and again by draping cloth and clothes here and there, lights on when you want them and curtains closed when you choose. J. emptied the contents of  his bag all over the bed as soon as we arrived, and those that shotgunned the shower first hopped in after a long and sweaty 7 hour boat ride. It was funny coming out of the shower smelling like Shampoo and walking into our dorm that 10 minutes ago had smelt fine, but the contrast was appalling as everyone's dirty washing created a not-so-pleasant odour..

V.Ball at Utopia

Veg Buffet

The boys followed their stomachs and were out of the hostel faster than we'd arrived, looking for food in the night market. J. and I decided to follow a different crew for a meal - settling with noodle soup for $2.50 that left our mouths burning and our noses streaming. We walked through the markets after dinner and it all came rushing back. You know when you've been to a place before, and you return to exactly the same scene, it's like travelling back in time. The little ladies selling their wares. Handmade shirts, colourful bags, block printed paintings, metal bracelets made out of bomb fragments, bottles of dead snakes fermenting in rice wine. It went on and on and on, getting hotter and hotter as you walked passed the smoky BBQ's and street vendors, the smoke getting trapped under the cloth above our heads. We bumped into our Israeli friend that had moved on a few days before us - having drinks at a suave french bar after being succesfully seduced with a 'free cocktail' flier. The curfew here as I've said before, is 11pm, which makes everything rather rushed once the clock's struck 9:00pm. The place to be in LP is Utopia, an outside bar with comfy cushions where people lie smoking shisha or watching extreme sports. Round the back is a huge volleyball court where the drunk gather to smash the ball in whatever direction they please as hand-eye-coordination slowly declines. It was so bizaare when you walked around and noticed the huge missiles sticking out of the ground, the missile that had been turned on its side and made into a BBQ or the one that the toilet paper rested on in the corner of the bathroom.

Golden Buddha's

When 11pm strikes, the crowds are whisked off by eager tuk tuk drivers, to the bowling alley, the only place in LP that stays open until 3am. I expected disco lights and dancing but we arrived to bright, fluorescent lights, bowling and Justin Bieber in the background. It wasn't until later that I realized why none of the bars here have dance floors.. dancing in Luang Prabang is illegal. Go figure? I don't understand the logic..
It's nice having everyone staying at the same hostel, it means you can be shuttled away with a group and will most likely end up home -- the second floor being the post-bowling gathering spot where bongs, papers and cups scattered the table and a sign reading 'Stay QUIET after 12!' was prominently stuck on the pillar above the table.
The next morning we all herded to the breakfast vendors selling fruit shakes and fresh baguettes with your choice of filling. We noticed how it was only foreigners eating here, ah well it worked for us. We wanted to do something productive with our day so haggled a tuk-tuk down to a reasonable price and headed off to the waterfalls. We arrived to the garden of Eden, 'a Disney scene', an Oasis. I'd been before but it never ceases to amaze how stunning the turqoise water is. Nothing could spoil this scene but bad weather, luckily the sun was on our side. We swung off ropes all day into the still water, hopping out as the little fish nibbled your toes and later meditating in the serenity.
That evening everyone was starving, so we appropriately found a vegetarian buffet in which they gave you a plate for just over a dollar, and allowed you to pile it as high as you wanted -- the boys came over to the table precariously balancing their piles of food. Utopia and various moments of chunder followed that night.

Typical breaky

The next day, after a painful experience at a ridiculously slow internet cafe, attempting to upload photo's as back-up and having the computer turn on and off for an hour. The day got progressively better luckily, as we explored temples around the town and had a coffee and a few flower fumes at a sweet cafe over hanging the Mekong and then ending up with the crew at the notorious Veg. buffet again.. the law of 'no dancing' wasn't an issue that evening as we lay happily watching extreme sports in awe, monged out on the cushions. That evening we met a Kiwi Off-shore worker thats minted mate was having a 33rd birthday party at 'the pool' the next day, with $1000 tab to share. Ah the beauty of bars.

Crazy missiles

The next day was 'Justin's big birthday', we arrived to see hundreds of people and an empty tab that had been cleared of drinks in the first 2 hours, it was only 2pm. We talked, swam and kicked around the ball until dinner time when we treated ourselves to our regular Indian. Seeing the total price made us laugh as for 10 people we were paying the equivalent of 1 person back 'home' (in London). We ended with these little tapioca rice puddings that they serve in little banana leaf boxes on the street, and chunks of vibrant red watermelon. The night brought us back to the second floor of our hostel, with our new Israeli friends 'Tslil and Daphna', it was interesting discussing religious views with the first agnostic Israeli-Jew I'd met so far. We'd be interrupted momentarily by the annoying child that ran around constantly crying and throwing toy trucks at the stray cats that roamed the area.
The following night was the same child's birthday I think, and it was a night of silence for once. The owner of the guesthouse provided everyone with a free 'instant noodle' dinner and birthday cake that lined everyone's stomachs well for the night that followed. I was missing wheat -- having a wheat-allergy restricts a lot in terms of diet. No instant noodles, baguettes, toast, pasta. It's a lot easier to follow in Asia when rice is the main starch but I was missing my western food as well and craved a baguette or an oreo (that's all the rage here). That day had been a relaxed one. We'd spent it reading, writing, sorting out bank stuff and eating banana-chocolate-peanut butter crepes. In the evening 'Life of Pi' was showing at 'the bookshop'. It was upstairs, in an attic almost, where books lined the walls and everyone had a cup of tea of hot chocolate. Cushions were scattered everywhere, and we jumped on a spot right in front of the screen as soon as we could. I was apprehensive about watching the movie when the book had been so good, but it projected the writing so perfectly onto the screen. It teaches you so clearly, in a very hollywood-esque way, about so much. It talks about how the bible/ religious texts are just elaborated stories of the simple and basic facts, how to conquer the 'evil' within yourself to survive (symbolized by a tiger) and realizing via coming across the carniverous island, that paradise/ heaven on earth, can turn into hell just as fast. All part of the Yin-Yang I guess.
After the movie we decided to show our faces for a few hours at Utopia, bumping into the girls we'd lived with in 'Sapa, Vietnam' during our home stay. Listening to their adventures/ horror stories about being in a bus that crashed and covering themselves from shards of glass with thin blankets. We touched wood with sympathetic faces, hoping we wouldn't be repeating the story with us as the new characters. That evening we looked around the table, feeling slightly wavy, and realizing most of our crew had moved on to Vang Vieng. It's funny looking around and not recognizing anyone, apart from the new Swedish boys we'd been speaking to, picking up as many tips about our next (and their previous) destination.

The sun-bears by the waterfall

The waterfall

The morning after was the day we were supposed to leave. And it was rather rushed to say the least. J. jumped out of bed at 11.00am realizing he had to pick up forms at the hospital, as I packed his bag and rushed to Utopia to re-claim our clothes that we'd left (who's surprised?) the night before.. We all arrive back in-sync realizing we had over an hour to relax before the bus came. That hour was spent getting breaky and doing a bit of basic chemistry.. extracting Codeine from Paracetamol to crash out on the long, and windy 6 hour bus ride to V.V. 'What's the time' someone mentioned, and when the response was '1:34pm' when we were supposed to leave at '1:30pm' we all slumped our shoulders, realizing we'd indeed missed the bus. Luckily our manager set us up with a 'VIP mini-van' for less than the local-bus price and we all hopped in an hour past 'leaving time'. The mood was wavy until we hit the windy roads, and everyone bit their tongues and kept their stomachs in check as we sat through the very long first couple of hours that lead us into the clouds. We got out at last, letting out a sigh of relief that we were somewhat closer to our destination, and gaping at the thick fog that surrounded us. It was cold again and felt like we were back in Hanoi, the jumpers came out and everyone dissapeared pronto as you couldn't see a metre infront of you. We finally arrived to a dark and quiet Vang Vieng, jumping out at 'Santii-villa guesthouse' that had been reccommended by the Swedes. It was exciting having such huge rooms, clean beds and our own showers. That evening we ate our noodle soups in silence in front of 'Friends' that was showing on TV at the restaurants. Half-way through the meal running into our mates from LP made us all smile. We passed out in front of HBO and a few flower fumes that the bar next door sold in great variety on his 'Happy menu'.
Being in Vang Vieng feels like being in a fairy-tale. It's like the Amsterdam of Asia - menu's selling 'shroom-tea and opium shakes' like it's the most normal thing in the world. We skipped a day at the blue lagoon the next day for a pineapple shroom shake and a day of reflection. Stumbling across a magical bridge that lead to a surreal reality of a stunning lord-of-the-ring'esque river, mountains, locals washing their clothes and people floating individually in tubes down the river. Hot-Air-Balloons rose above us and everyone closed their eyes to experience the visuals and the understanding of the world beyond our shallow perception. We made our way back in time for sun-set to our rooms for a boogie to Pink Floyde, that suddenly seemed so much clearer. That evening was full of laughs on every level.

The day of reflection

Funny tea

The day after we joined the crowds and came back down for a bit of tubing down the Mekong. Though It's changed from a crazy, drunk-tourist centre, it's changed for good. We floated in peace, with the optional bar or 2 a long the way, through spots of sun and in front of gigantic fictional mountains all the way to the end-point that was a few hours down the line. Seeing people get stuck on rocks and tumbling in rapids making everyone giggle a long the way. Sticks were our method of paddling and hooking onto each others feet our way of sticking together. The evening ended with hot showers, a big family dinner, free banana milkshakes and a movie night infront of the 'big screen' at 'Sakura', everyone grunting in frustration as the end of 'Snatch' froze. Banana-chocolate crepes made it all better, and our soft pillows awaited beaming faces back at Santii-villa, our home for the moment being.

Recipe of the day: Rice dumplings

http://www.thekitchn.com/recipe-kenny-laos-rickshaw-dum-74872

Crossing Oceans

B and I keeping warm

I opened my eyes this morning and didn't have to think twice to realize I was back in the tropics, it's growing on me. Monkeys instead of foxes, sweat instead of shivers, dresses instead of jumpers and rice instead of bread. I'm back in Asia! Stepping out the plane doors the familiar sticky heat blew over us, and the layers of clothes that I'd been wearing was slowly minimized. My eyes couldn't focus on one position due to sleep deprivation, climactic shock and a crazy week that involved a few brain numbing activities. I dragged my luggage along behind me, with no sense of self-conciousness after a 15 hour flight, only to hear my name called by a recognizable voice - 'shit.' I thought.  I turned around to a beaming familiar face, and her brother - She'd been sitting 2 seats behind me for 7 hours, and we hadn't seen each other once. My immediate response was 'what the fuck', that came out slightly louder than expected, only to be received by dirty looks from all the conservative Muslim women in burqas that surrounded us. To my relief, we all looked as bedraggled as each other, and it only served for more delirious laughter. The 14 hour flight was not something I'd wish to repeat, non-stop crying (by both myself and the 2 babies sitting in front of me), no sleep, delays, a hectic 10 minute transfer period, food that tasted like it'd come out of a clinical trial, uncomfortable seats and never mastering the right temperature.. but I'm here, safe and sound (much to the surprise of my entire extended family that for some reason, had their doubts..)

See the double halo?

Where to start, can I first congratulate everyone for 'surviving' the apocalypse!  I was so intent on feeling some sort of change occur at 11.11 on 21/12/12 but when I looked at the clock it was already 13 past - oh well. I was browsing Facebook yesterday though and on a group that I'm a part of called 'Catalysing Change' there was a post that explained what causes the 'halo around the moon'; apparently it's "caused by pencil-shaped ice crystals in cirrus clouds that bend moonlight. On Dec. 21st, Harald Edens of Magdalena, New Mexico, witnessed a double halo as seen in this photo. The inner 9-degree halo is caused by ice crystals in the shape of pyramids" - If you don't know the significance of pyramids, please do a bit of research, It's fascinating. But my point is, though I didn't see any profound physical change, at least someone did?

Grooving with my favourite boy
in the beer garden

The last week has been the craziest of my life. It was a familiar feeling that my grade had experienced post-graduation. Having to see each other as much as possible, attend everything that was going on and leave no time to breathe for 'FOMO' (fear of missing out) - only to suffer the consequences later. I remember having a conversation with my mum about this ages ago, because after about a week of the craziness, when it has died down slightly and your body has a minute to recuperate, the suffering begins. Why that happens is common sense, but what I found difficult to understand, was how your body can keep pushing when you know there should be a limit. In spiritual terms we call it 'ancestral energy' - it's like the core storage space that draws energy from 'our ancients' if you will for when we really need it, during illness or dire situations etc.. not when our body's can't handle too many substances or late nights out, which is where it can be wasted. Woops, the consequences aren't proving to be too fun.

Typical.

To summarize a week in a sentence: Party-crashing for free drinks by the Thames, Civilized dinners by candlelight in caves being served red wine and cheese, regressing to our youth with drunken nights on southbank in playgrounds, arcades and Japanese restaurants,  shivering on Hampstead heath watching psychedelic vibrating trees and London's reflection on an invisible lake, grooving to tunes in the beer garden in winter wonderland, farewell lunches with friends and family and raving in ecstasy under tube stations to deep dub with an eclectic mix of all my closest friends. It's been a sleepless adventure that I wouldn't give back for the world - they say living with someone makes or breaks your friendship, and M. - as best friends since day zero, I reckon we can say we've achieved success.. So the alarm went off 2 hours after bedtime and after a few kicks to turn it off, I scrambled the last of my things together, leaving a trail behind me of course, to jump into the taxi and head to Heathrow airport terminal 4. 'Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming' could be heard softly on the radio as I nodded off, only to be woken (what felt like) a minute later when we'd arrived. The recent loss of my debit card meant I had to actually pay attention to where my money was and what I was spending, so I bought the usual duty-free chocolates for the family, a couple of locks for my bag, and a coffee to keep my brain mildly active, counting the pennies as I went. The water-works soon started and I'd switched from the normal'ish looking teenager, to an exasperated mess.. that went on for longer than I would've liked..

Love for J in Trafalgar square

I gazed out of the small oval airoplane window that was cold from the high altitude.. The stars above doha twinkled in scattered clumps and before my eyes closed again, I felt like one of them. Stars appear on clear dark nights and leave when the sun comes up, always temporary but always there. The instability of my life at the moment feels immense in both a good and bad sense - the on-flight crew definitely picked up on it as my blanket got wetter and wetter with tear stains - but tonight wasn't about keeping up appearances as I slunk back to sleep in DLD trackies and a comfy hoodie - the best way to fly. I only managed to watch one movie 'L'amour dure trois ans' (love only lasts 3 years) that felt quite appropriate given that nothing seems to stay the same for long, but it's a good one to watch - not your typical Hollywood romcom.

The end of the world party <3

The stars faded and Kuala Lumpur showed it's face in the light of the dawn - driving along the highway chatting to our sweet taxi driver felt surreal, returning to the familiar after having experienced 6 months of different is an odd sensation. I was sat down in McDonald s before arriving home, for a cup of coffee with Z. our taxi man, because apparently 'my eyes had to be slightly more open when I greeted the family'. My heart rate increased as the caffeine rush kicked in, and we zoomed past the twin towers, school, our local roti cannai stall, up the hill, into the rainforest and through the gates to our house, to be greeted by an emotional family of three - how I'd missed them. The next few hours are a little bit of a blur, I know it involved swimming, a few more coffees, a light lunch and a social dinner in a scrambled order, and then my head hit the pillow, and all I saw was stars, until a very loud "STOCKING TIME" could be heard, making it's way into my room. My 13 year old brother dragged everyone into bed, as we opened our stockings in delirium and fed off his contagious excitement. My stocking mainly consisted of bits and bobs for travelling, lots of yummy chocolates and a bit of make-up -- Santa, you did me well. After a light hearted christmas jam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8NeUGA0An0) I got on the Irish coffee's while dad began scrambling eggs to be served with buttered toast and smoked salmon - a Chrimbo must. Handel played in the background and the Christmas spirit continued throughout the day as we opened presents, socialized with friends over a big Christmas turkey and ham and gorged with minced pies and christmas pudding that were drowned in brandy butter, clotted cream and haagen daz ice cream... that will last for the next week. 

Family.

Family skype sessions on both side commenced as dusk approached, and we ran back and forth between the two computers to send our love to kin across the universe. The day wound down with a session by our pool, breathing in the KL night, and a few other things, with old friends and music - suddenly it didn't feel so strange any more  a friend described the sensation as 'having the pause button switched to play after 6 months of living different lives'. I miss London, the people and the fun, but KL has a few adventures of it's own that we're all ready to take on - expectamus in antecessum. 

Recipe of the day: Devils on horseback (our christmas classic)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/27/nigel-slater-devils-horseback-classic

M&J In wonderland

The caterpillar

I sat on the tube today on my way back from work and just listened. I could here the tinny electronic beats of a clubby techno tune that the guy next to me was listening to. The girl opposite was stressing out about which station to get off at, constantly shifting in her seat and itching to get up as the doors opened at each stop. We were at 'Gospel Oak Station' according to the Ladies recorded voice that repeated its way down the carriages. I was on the last tube of the night - it made me think how unbelievable the concept of tube/ train conductors are, we still have them? Technology's developed to the point where we have bar codes splashed over everything to enable people and their smartphones to access a specific website/ product etc. My friend whom I stayed with in Holland had a robot that automatically switched on at a regular time bracket every day, to clean the house, and webcam's will soon become a thing of the past as holographic projectors begin to take over. These are just a few minor examples of how technology's improving, yet our system of public transport that is used by thousands every single day, is still such an old world idea. I wonder how many years it will take for electric pods to zoom us through the tunnels of the underground in no time at all.

Nature

This weekend I managed to escape the tubes, trains, shops and city life for a country getaway at my Aunts beautiful estate in Wiltshire. It was 6pm when we arrived to a dark night sky and fresh country air. We strolled through the fields for half an hour to wind down and take a few deep breaths of the countryside. I'd brought one of my best friends along for the experience, she'd never been there before so it was exciting sharing a familiar home. It's funny seeing things by night, if there are no lights on and you stare ahead of you, anything could exist. It reminded me of the movie Coraline, there's a scene where the little girl and her cat walk 'off the grid', and  nothing ahead of them exists. Castles, seas, city's and towns could have been in front of us and we'd never know until the morning. But sure enough, the sun rose the next day, and it all came to life - the rolling hills of green spotted with clumps of trees, sheep and horses. The foliage is all dying away and it's nearing the end of the mushroom season but we still managed to find a million different kinds in the long grass and on the stumps of tree trunks.  Mushrooms are fascinating, in a previous post I mentioned a TedTalks video based on mushrooms and their magical qualities (I'm not just talking about hallucinogenics - they are incredible [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI5frPV58tY] ). They look so alien as well - from afar the elephant ear mushrooms look like white plates thrown onto the grass, others look like warped pieces of tissue paper and some are just your stereotypical helmets on stalks, with colours ranging from white to yellow to orange to black.

Alice moments

I had a few family commitments but managed to fit them all in breezily; lunch with Gran followed by a quick spot of mince pies and tea - it made me appreciate my English heritage. I took M. for a stroll in Gran's garden, passed fragrant lavender that's not nearly as wild as in the summer. Frost had started to form over the little flower buds and a light layer was on the ground below. Bonding time with the cousins was also in order, zooming over the hills on quad bikes at the highest gear they'd go as our hands and cheeks lost all sensation (and colour) due to the nippy weather, fishing for Pike on the edge of the wooden dock that leaned over the running water and dossing out to 'friends' on the sofa, with the heating on full. I saw hale for the first time since I was 8 and ran to the window like an excited child - earning me strange looks from everyone in the room. I stuck my hand out and felt the icy stones pelting down and melting as they landed. I can't wait for snow to fall - it would make the cold bearable having a beautiful white blanket surrounding you.

Self explanatory?

That evening we tasted our freshly picked shrooms and spent the next couple of hours giggling and dancing under the stars, watching them twinkle and float into all sorts of shapes and sizes. We sat down to 'Dumbo', an old time favourite, our eyes glued to the screen as 'Pink Elephants on Parade' began. Watching the cartoon years later takes on a whole different perspective. All I could focus on were the pencilled lines of the characters, it's such a difference watching old-style cartoons when each movement was drawn out instead of being completely computer animated. The old Disney films have such a magic touch that no new one can capture - nostalgia filled the air and I finished the movie with a new life-goal, to adopt the sweet little elephant with the oversized ears.

giggles x

Hongos

Our country weekend rounded up with a food coma. We sat around the table with a Sunday Roast and lots of wine; Roast beef, Yorkshire pud, roast potatoes  roasted veggies and all the condiments. Food really brings people together - and is something I've noticed that family members always leave with you, as long as you've left the kids fed, the rest can sort itself out. We sat on the train back to London feeling nourished and revamped, with our countless bags that were stuffed as tightly as they could be onto the seat next to us. An hour and 45 minutes whizzed by, and we decided to end our holiday with a bit of Wasabi. (Low-budget Japanese food, HIGHLY recommended). We're lucky to be living together as we didn't have to face the depressing scene of unpacking alone and filling everyone in on how amazing your weekend was, and how upset you are to be back. We unpacked laughing about our time together and the moments that only we'd understand, and snuggled down to an episode of breaking bad before popping back down the rabbit hole and entering into a Sunday night dream.

Recipe of the day: Roast Beef

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/perfect-roast-beef

The smoke that blushed

Street art I found in East London

Yesterday i was walking through Camden and infront of me a bellow of blue and pink smoke was coming out of a huge industrial dark chimney. It was one of those tiny details amidst a normal routine that puts a smile on your face, I was just waiting for a suitable accompaniment of rainbows, fairies and candy canes to shower down upon the unsuspecting landscape. Below the dreamlike smoke were swarms of preoccupied individuals going about their daily lives with their heads down looking at their phones or buzzing in their own thought bubbles. 

Even though we all share the same environment, we are such seperate entities and our society only emphasizes the fact. We have our own entertainment to start, ipods, phones, books, newspapers. We're tuned into our own thoughts and feelings, and we rarely attempt to merge into the more communal world and really interact with/ feel what's going on around us. We have conversations and link in to one or two other people's fields of existence but we are primarily individuals. Yet what strikes me as odd, is in psychology, one of the sociocultural principles is 'humans feel a need to belong'; within this principle lies the idea that we rely on each other to survive, our whole community and society is built up of various blocks, from farmers to shopkeepers to businessmen, if one stage didn't exist, the rest of our pyramid would fall apart. It's so hard to switch everything off when sometimes it's just a force of habit, and it almost instills fear when you think of the idea of not being able to communicate with everyone in your life for one moment. It scares me when I start to panic after only a day of not checking my emails - but at the same time, in feeling 'connected' to everyone, it creates such a huge disconnect with your physical reality causing a whole percentage of our awareness, and sense of presence to fly out the window. 

East London again

It's funny, when we were younger in 'world studies' we went over the theory's that two great philosophers had about the true characteristics of human beings. Aristotle and Plato I think it was, were more positive about us, they truly believed humans were able to act for the benefit of others and not for self-gain. Whilst Hobbes on the other hand believed humans were completely selfish and every act was for self-gain even if it wasn't conciously done for that purpose. Lets look at a few examples: In helping someone carry their bags up the stairs, you gain satisfaction and content. In having a child, you set yourself up with what will become a physical, emotional and financial support system (that especially benefits you in your older years), in opening yourself up in a relationship 'for' the other person, you gain love, support and all that jazz. Hobbes commonly used the example of letting individuals loose in a sweet shop, or a bank, and taking away rules - what happens? We'd go crazy and grab everything we could, not stand around holding hands. A more recent and solid example is last year when the raids took place in London and the more primal side of the community was revealed, looting shops, stealing whatever there was to steal, getting violent, using weapons etc.

.. And again

When I first learnt about these philosophies, we were asked to give our opinion on whom we agreed with, I chose the more optimistic view. Thinking of humans as purely selfish and evil just didn't float my boat. But as I've grown up and my eyes have widened to the reality of the world, I do believe Hobbes was right, as pessimistic as the idea may be. Our main goal as mammals is to survive - but to do this it does involve helping, supporting and interacting with others, so though at its core our nature may not be full of rainbows and fairies, it does manifest positive outcomes.. but back to where I started.

Street art in Neasden

As I was watching the smoke drift over the conker trees, grey buildings, and billboards advertising the latest and most lustrous hair shampoo! I thought of a poem that made me smile, it was written by a great friend that sadly passed away last year - but her gift of writing should always be appreciated:

People don’t look up. 
They spend their lives absorbed in their feet,
in the pavements,
in the leaves and dirt,
in the rubbish discarded on the streets. 
This is what we seem to be fascinated by, 
only daring to lift our heads when someone points out how beautiful the sunset is, 
or a bird, or rarely, 
occasionally, 
something above their normal eyeline.
There could be entire goddamn cities on rooftops and no-one would notice. 

- Cameron Krokatsis 

I remember this poem when I lean over my windowsill and watch passers by. It reminds me to look up once in a while when I'm strolling through an empty street. The other day a little girl in a blue school uniform with dark red hair, was sitting by the window gazing out at the empty street with a melancholy stare. What was going on in her mind was a mystery to me but the image the mystery created was beautiful. 

Time to get out of my head and check what's next on my to-do-list, deep breath!


 Recipe of the day: Fairy Cakes

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/fairycakes_93711