Shutting the suitcase

Obi-1-konobi

My fairy lights add a warm glow to the old white walls of my new bedroom; a light pink rose garland is strewn across my desk and Marilyn Munroe winks seductively at me with her scarlet red lips next to Einstein's multicoloured 'imagination' poster.. To the left Bob & The Rolling Stones exhale a sexy breath of smoke that finds its way around the crystals on my (broken) fireplace, add a hippie sarong or two a touch and a delicacy is born. I've just moved into my first house! Built in the 1800’s, 5 bedrooms, a little garden and a shed soon-to-be converted, I’ve found my home for the next year. The characteristics of the house are what make it cozy; a lovely stained glass window welcomes you at the entrance and little detailed carvings on the edges of the doors catch your eye as you walk through. It’s the first time I’m not living out of a suitcase in a long while and although travelling gives you a sense of liberation from order and routine, having structure return is invigorating. One room-mate N has already moved in and we get along like a house on fire, the rest of the girls are to come gradually over the next few weeks, allowing the family to grow and the house to become a home – though the process wasn't easy, the product was worth it.

N & I had our first night out in Briz on Saturday with old friends from KL and their house mates.

Getting lost - Pre’s – underground raves – deep house – new friends – Bristonian accents – steep hills – chilly nights – warm onesies. On our way home before we the 'lost' part happened, we somehow bagged ourselves a free taxi ride with a sweet lady going in our direction and a frantic 19 year old that was on the run from a gang of boisterous youth. We got a mouthful of the town and its music in one night and fell asleep under warm duvet’s with smiles on our faces. Getting lost in this City is something I anticipated but the hilly roads, was not. If you have time to explore, getting lost is no burden, it gives you a chance to take in the multi-coloured houses, quaint cafes, scattered posters advertising gigs, vintage/ charity shops, restaurants – it never ends. Take London, shrink it, add an influx of rastas, hippies, wind and posters, raise some of the roads and add a farmers twang to the accent… and you've got Bristol. I feel really lucky to have moved from London to Bristol and not the other way around, as from what I've heard it can be a rather overwhelming experience.

First night in the hoouse

A shit picture but the clearest rainbow I've ever seen

London was great while it lasted, once you've got a knack of where to go, who to go with and how to get there it’s a wicked city. I changed charities due to ethical reasons and ended up working as a fundraiser for ‘Care International’ - it was an enlightening experience indeed. Every day you were posted in a different part of London/ England with different members of the amazing campaign group P2P. We’d meet, travel, change and disperse for the next few hours, trying to get as many sign-ups as possible and reach our target (10 a week). If you got over, you’d get a bonus, if you got consistently under, you’d most likely be fired. Fundraising involved thick skin, a big & enthusiastic personality and a strong sense of willpower; hence most fundraisers ended up being boys for one reason or another (I think it’s because they had more of an upper hand when dealing with abuse). The abuse was not something I expected; racist, ignorant, screwed up and untrusting people – you’re interacting with every member of the public so you see and respond to it all.
Fundraising in poor areas was never fun, if people couldn’t even afford to pay their rent or buy their kids cereal for the day. Those were the people I felt most inclined to talk to, as giving a bit of your energy to someone who just wants to be listened to, feels far more beneficial than getting their bank details because they like… your legs? I guess that’s a plus too. It was interesting watching the guys on my team sign up girl after girl who fell into their flirtatious traps, and realizing, that’s what a lot of sales is about – attracting someone to the product, yes. But you have to get their attention first right? So girls usually sign up boys and vice versa.

M and I <3

There were a few interesting experiences, watching the mentally ill man rock back and forth on a wooden park bench nearby. His eyebrows would rise up and down in an anxious fashion, almost in time to the light pattering of the pigeons feet that held up the fragile grey bird frantically pecking for crumbs in front of him. We continued with our day and at the very end while we were packing up, he made his entrance. Standing in front of us he took his position and shouted ‘You all make me sick! I’m part of the council and we all agree you should f**k your mothers and go to hell etc etc etc’. Woah! What a long order. We looked at him and smiled with compassion, the boys put their hats to their chest ‘have a good day sir J’.

10 years on

As you walk past another person do you ever get that uncomfortable feeling of ‘what do I do?’ Are they far enough away for me to smile at them, do I say something or make eye contact? Watching children go through this thought process is really interesting. Mums and dads rush past me as their kids are the ones that want to talk and interact. ‘Come on!’ Sorry we don’t have time’ she brushes past me with 3 kids on tow, they look back at me and smile, not fazed by the rush but caught in the daze of the grown-ups busy afternoon. ‘I want to give to charity!’ The little girl turns and shouts to me. I love that pure compassionate intention that’s so common in children; of course, kids are shielded from half of what charity’s become, and what money means now but that’s not the point..

So charity work was good hours with good people and good pay. Inbetween was social time. A weekend in South London at a beautifully modern 7 bedroom house that belonged to M’s godmother. M and I had grown up together in Sri Lanka and hadn’t seen each other in years. It’s funny looking into someone’s eyes when you’ve known them for so long. Seeing stories rush back at you that had been tucked away in the back of a room and taken over by spi

ders and cobwebs. So we spent a luxurious weekend opening pandora’s box of memories with the scent of flowers wafting through the air. Another glass of nostalgia was enjoyed in Gordons Wine Bar with B. over a platter of French cheese. As though catapulted through time, my last night had arrived – I invited over those 5 special friends and we sat on the trampoline and chatted, laughed and drank, with a duvet to keep us warm. Leaving that morning did not go as smoothly as anticipated, I got my train times wrong and proceeded to run around London with the heaviest bags I have ever carried and no right hand man to help me out. I felt less sorry for myself when I arrived huffing and puffing into my carriage on the train to Tisbury. A man in a wheelchair rolled over my feet as he tried patiently to maneuver himself into a good position, an 80+ year old sat next to me uttering dry complaints about the weather and then to top it off a pregnant woman with her 2 year old ran in flustered about having just left her whole handbag in the coffee shop. What a funny bunch of people we were.

Living in the clouds

 A yummy lunch at Aunty M’s, a speedy drive into Bristol and a manic Ikea shop. I stood still and just took in where I was, this had been a long time coming. Fairy lights up, music on, friends over – a good first night in Bristol and my own bed to snuggle into, I can feel a good year coming on.

Recipe: Vegetable curry

http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/3084674/pea-and-new-potato-curry

M&J In wonderland

The caterpillar

I sat on the tube today on my way back from work and just listened. I could here the tinny electronic beats of a clubby techno tune that the guy next to me was listening to. The girl opposite was stressing out about which station to get off at, constantly shifting in her seat and itching to get up as the doors opened at each stop. We were at 'Gospel Oak Station' according to the Ladies recorded voice that repeated its way down the carriages. I was on the last tube of the night - it made me think how unbelievable the concept of tube/ train conductors are, we still have them? Technology's developed to the point where we have bar codes splashed over everything to enable people and their smartphones to access a specific website/ product etc. My friend whom I stayed with in Holland had a robot that automatically switched on at a regular time bracket every day, to clean the house, and webcam's will soon become a thing of the past as holographic projectors begin to take over. These are just a few minor examples of how technology's improving, yet our system of public transport that is used by thousands every single day, is still such an old world idea. I wonder how many years it will take for electric pods to zoom us through the tunnels of the underground in no time at all.

Nature

This weekend I managed to escape the tubes, trains, shops and city life for a country getaway at my Aunts beautiful estate in Wiltshire. It was 6pm when we arrived to a dark night sky and fresh country air. We strolled through the fields for half an hour to wind down and take a few deep breaths of the countryside. I'd brought one of my best friends along for the experience, she'd never been there before so it was exciting sharing a familiar home. It's funny seeing things by night, if there are no lights on and you stare ahead of you, anything could exist. It reminded me of the movie Coraline, there's a scene where the little girl and her cat walk 'off the grid', and  nothing ahead of them exists. Castles, seas, city's and towns could have been in front of us and we'd never know until the morning. But sure enough, the sun rose the next day, and it all came to life - the rolling hills of green spotted with clumps of trees, sheep and horses. The foliage is all dying away and it's nearing the end of the mushroom season but we still managed to find a million different kinds in the long grass and on the stumps of tree trunks.  Mushrooms are fascinating, in a previous post I mentioned a TedTalks video based on mushrooms and their magical qualities (I'm not just talking about hallucinogenics - they are incredible [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI5frPV58tY] ). They look so alien as well - from afar the elephant ear mushrooms look like white plates thrown onto the grass, others look like warped pieces of tissue paper and some are just your stereotypical helmets on stalks, with colours ranging from white to yellow to orange to black.

Alice moments

I had a few family commitments but managed to fit them all in breezily; lunch with Gran followed by a quick spot of mince pies and tea - it made me appreciate my English heritage. I took M. for a stroll in Gran's garden, passed fragrant lavender that's not nearly as wild as in the summer. Frost had started to form over the little flower buds and a light layer was on the ground below. Bonding time with the cousins was also in order, zooming over the hills on quad bikes at the highest gear they'd go as our hands and cheeks lost all sensation (and colour) due to the nippy weather, fishing for Pike on the edge of the wooden dock that leaned over the running water and dossing out to 'friends' on the sofa, with the heating on full. I saw hale for the first time since I was 8 and ran to the window like an excited child - earning me strange looks from everyone in the room. I stuck my hand out and felt the icy stones pelting down and melting as they landed. I can't wait for snow to fall - it would make the cold bearable having a beautiful white blanket surrounding you.

Self explanatory?

That evening we tasted our freshly picked shrooms and spent the next couple of hours giggling and dancing under the stars, watching them twinkle and float into all sorts of shapes and sizes. We sat down to 'Dumbo', an old time favourite, our eyes glued to the screen as 'Pink Elephants on Parade' began. Watching the cartoon years later takes on a whole different perspective. All I could focus on were the pencilled lines of the characters, it's such a difference watching old-style cartoons when each movement was drawn out instead of being completely computer animated. The old Disney films have such a magic touch that no new one can capture - nostalgia filled the air and I finished the movie with a new life-goal, to adopt the sweet little elephant with the oversized ears.

giggles x

Hongos

Our country weekend rounded up with a food coma. We sat around the table with a Sunday Roast and lots of wine; Roast beef, Yorkshire pud, roast potatoes  roasted veggies and all the condiments. Food really brings people together - and is something I've noticed that family members always leave with you, as long as you've left the kids fed, the rest can sort itself out. We sat on the train back to London feeling nourished and revamped, with our countless bags that were stuffed as tightly as they could be onto the seat next to us. An hour and 45 minutes whizzed by, and we decided to end our holiday with a bit of Wasabi. (Low-budget Japanese food, HIGHLY recommended). We're lucky to be living together as we didn't have to face the depressing scene of unpacking alone and filling everyone in on how amazing your weekend was, and how upset you are to be back. We unpacked laughing about our time together and the moments that only we'd understand, and snuggled down to an episode of breaking bad before popping back down the rabbit hole and entering into a Sunday night dream.

Recipe of the day: Roast Beef

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/beef-recipes/perfect-roast-beef

Cradles and coins

At the moment I'm sitting in front of a lovely 4 month old piece of innocence, who I look after once every few days. It's a nice time to have a breather amidst the running around with silver trays and hot food. Playing peek-a-boo and waving around rattles luckily doesn't require too much exertion. The other day I was lying on the sofa feeding her a bottle - it's funny watching babies when they feed, their eyes roll back slightly as they enter this entranced state of pure ecstasy  interrupt this trance and you're done for. Her eyes slowly started drooping and I was sucked in to her dream-world as we both dozed together on the sofa, to be awoken 20 minutes later by a wriggle/ cue for a nappy change. It was a sweet site while it lasted - I told my dad about this and he raised his eyebrows slightly, concerned at the thought of his 18 year old daughters maternal instincts kicking in already.

Bonding time

One of the reasons I partly love babysitting is the fact that my boss is not a complete power-obsessed asshole.  Both parents are lovely, easy to be around and won't flip their lid if you walk in the door 5 minutes past the hour. This being a 'slight' contrast to the other bosses I seem to have acquired over the months. One, as I've ranted about before is a manic egotistical coke-head that's huungry for power. His demands strike a balance between being pointless and irritating but passively complying to them is the only way to avoid the storm. One waitress, well former waitress, had strong alpha female qualities and wasn't afraid to voice her opinion as and when it was needed - this, to his great frustration was a quality that he believed 'challenged his authority' and for no appropriate reason, her shifts were cut to nothing - so she left. On one hand, she lost a job, but on the other, she's escaping the Friday nights of sprinting around on tip-toes trying to avoid a conflict that would most likely end in streams of tears and low self-esteem. Watching him as he's in his element of rage is scary - his ego inflates to fill every space in the room, and his eyes flicker with enjoyment at having asserted his authority in whatever way possible. One of my colleagues describes it as 'soul-destroying' having someone constantly putting you down, but I've developed the technique of mind over matter. As he's looming over me, red in the face from shouting about how I need to take a tables order faster than they can give it to me (does that make no sense to you too?) my eyes slightly glaze over and I retreat to my thoughts. This causes his rage-o-meter to hit new heights as his desired reaction of trembling in fear isn't created.

That sultry stare

My second boss is only a few years older than me and doesn't have many admirers either. She goes from being a sweet and 'relatable' peer to lacking any charm or personal skills. I stood back from the table I'd just lain  - it had a ridiculous number of different knives, forks, glasses, flowers etc but it made me smile knowing I could put something like that together in 10 minutes and make it look pretty good. Boss woman walks over to the table and wipes away the perfectly lain cutlery infront of the first chair, demonstrating 'what will happen when someone sits down if the knives aren't pushed up half an inch further', pushing people around just.because.she.could. It's funny how status seems to affect the psychi so much. How people think it gives you the one-up and therefore allows you to be disrespectful and rude.
There are so many ways to go about having horrible bosses, you can passively accept the 'abuse' (yes, that may be a slight exaggeration)  or you can stand up for yourself. The thing is, by standing up for yourself you may get your point across, but then what? You get fired and replaced with a snap of fingers and no regrets. As nice as it would be to have violins playing, a box of chocolates and a huge apology - it's just not what happens in the real world and some just have to be put up with. My thoughts are, if it's only a few months - deal with it and make as much cash as possible, shit happens.

Street art in Aldgate East

During my down time I decided at the beginning of this year that it'd be a good time to catch up on all those thought-provoking books, documentaries and series that were always put off for 'free time'. The 'free time' in my head never really ends up happening - there's never a casual day with no to-do list or prior engagement, but somehow I keep thinking a week of having nothing to do will spontaneously present itself. So instead I've been watching bits and reading bobs in instalments  so they happen, but over a stretch. I just achieved the feat of completing a 3 hour inspirational movie 'Zeitgeist 3' - the inconvenient length meant that it took me over 2 weeks to finish it, but it was definitely worth the watch. The movie's basically about the earth's present state in terms of economics and development - and where we're heading if we continue at this pace. It talks about the illuminate - the individuals that own all the banks and major companies hence basically controlling the whole economy/ the population/ us. There's a long section on the monetary system and it's meaningless cycle - we pay into banks that don't really own the money in the first place, this same money is then sold, shared and borrowed - the game eggs on the desire for power and control and all sight of the true welfare of the individuals involved, is lost. This is a brief sentence that sums up a very detailed concept explained in the movie, watch it if you're interested (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex8U_4rJn4s).
Two of the biggest things I extracted from that 3 hours was 1) The idea that a rising GDP is inverse to efficiency -- We're taught that the more money a country can earn, the better lifestyles and standards we as humans can have. However this documentary shows that in order for a product to be successful  it has to have a limited life span for consumers to keep buying it, hence nothing is built or created on the basis of being 100% efficient, because it wouldn't be in the interest of the producer.
Many examples were used to demonstrate the destructive properties of the monetary system, one such was crime rates and violence - and the root cause behind over 90% of this? Inequality between rich and poor, and the need to have money whether it's through drugs, stealing or killing - the vicious cycle and the unhealthy focus being ultimately self-destructive.

The venus project

They lightened the mood slightly after all of these fairly depressing facts and figures came out, by focusing on how we can change our world. They came up with 2) 'The Venus Plan' that's been in development for a long time, it's a circular designed system of living that wouldn't require money at all. The centre of the society would be run by technology that would monitor sustainability and productivity - there would be education systems, natural food supplies, methods of transportation etc. and we as individuals would be able to exchange services and abilities and focus on our more creative sides. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex8U_4rJn4s) Now I don't know if I particularly like the idea of our society being run by technology  but given that humans don't have the objective ability to create anything that truly focuses on the welfare of the collective, maybe it's a good alternative. Changing the system that we live in isn't something that's possible overnight but the awareness being raised on what we're actually taking part in, is important to spread.

Autumn

So aside from trying to keep my brain fairly active, I'm currently planning and booking various flights for my gap year. I've taken part in many persuasive conversations about why I should move away from my comfort zone of Asia and venture into South America instead - and it's funny how fear of the unknown pulls you away from trying new things. But I've finally created a brief brainstorm of what I'm going to do and my mind's at ease.
I'm off to Amsterdam next week, so buckling down at work before I lose the majority of my brain cells on the flat grounds of the Netherlands. The weekends seem to whizz by, but don't they always? Yesterday I utilized the brief spot of Sunday sunshine and went for a stroll in our local park. I walked past the playground and thought about how much it had evolved over the years - The swings I'd been taught to swing on when I was 5, were still there. I could hear my mum and babysitter saying over and over again 'Legs out, lean back. Legs back, lean forward!' - and then after weeks of practise finally accomplishing what seemed like an impossible feat. The long brown slide used to be positioned by the monkey bars, it's now been replaced (due to the number of injuries) by a plastic twirly kid-friendly looking object that claims to be a slide too :s.

As I was walking out of the park the wind was causing little hurricanes of orange leaves along the path and the squirrels were running in and out of them with conkers or peanuts grasped in their little mouths. I walked passed a mother and child and we linked eyes and shared a smile. 5 minutes later I walked passed another woman with a stern, bitter look on her face - hoping to break her shell I smiled at her too, but only managed to get the response of a hard stare and pursed lips - I guess Sunday's don't mean the same to everyone.
The baby just opened her eyes and gurgled - bottle time!


Recipe of the day: Moroccan lamb burgers (Had these at GBK the other day, they're amazeballs.)

http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/lamb-recipes/moroccan-style-lamb-burgers

Stepping stones

Early autumn

After a tragic event has occurred the phrase 'moving on' is tossed around a lot, stepping onto the next stone despite how unpredictably wobbly it is -- but how long is that process supposed to take? What is the time bracket one's given before things start to get slightly easier? I've always found, with regards to the 'big black spots' (the darker events in your life that made a significant impact on your reality today), normality and growth only comes from acceptance, and acceptance is spurred on by talking about what happened. Something a friend said to me a few years ago that I'll always remember for its concise honesty - "everyone has shit going on, and everyone thinks their shit is the worst". And isn't that true? Of course relativism plays a role, and we only really have our lives to compare our 'shit' to - but in the grander scheme of things, we're probably a lot better off than many others.

Eva in the park - I love the innocence of kids

By getting out of your own head, where your mind has the power to turn the bat of a butterflies wing into a hurricane, you're able to 'move on' - in relation to the tragic experience I'm talking about, this means talking about my beloved uncle, his death and his life that many people seem to leave out. This applies to all tragedies, why hang onto the final few seconds of darkness, when the long and prosperous life that lead up to it serves for far more topics of conversation.

--
What I find fairly dangerous is that comforting feeling of dwelling in your own pool of grief, the 'poor-me' scenario that you need to pull yourself out of, especially when there are others more deeply affected than you - time to stop being selfish. It's actually comforting sharing the hurt with others.

I'm sitting on beanbags underneath my windowsill - it's beautiful today. I'm learning about London, I always had the impression that leading up to winter everything would become grey, wet and miserable. But the sun still shines! The temperature drops and the parks are no longer full of hundreds of people in their bikini's, having picnics or playing rounders and footie - but instead a more gentle approach to life begins, warm coats and flushed cheeks, babies wrapped up in blankets and the appreciation of a warm bed. Given, I am slightly afraid of turning into an ice-cube come Christmas but we'll deal with that when we get there. 

The phantom house

My routine's up and down now but my regular dabble in yoga maintains a level of stability amongst the chaos. Interestingly a lot of people I know are starting to find meditation, astro-projection and all those far-out concepts that don't get enough credit. I was standing at the train-station the other day thinking about that stability. Yoga to me, was essentially a pause - an escape from the buzz of reality to clear your head and get in touch with yourself free of distractions. Now I'm learning the importance of applying your escape to your reality. In meditation you're taught to just heighten your awareness, your senses - you hear what's around you, feel your surroundings, taste the presence and smell the now. But that should always happen - it's so easy to slip into your own zone when walking down the street, stuck in your thoughts rather than understanding what's happening everywhere at that moment. The lights of the train shone through the darkness and I looked up to see a white house peeping above the stone archway that framed the approaching train. The way the sun hit the white wall almost turned it into a phantom house - momentary awareness. 

I know it's cliché, but at least it's authentic?
Devon 2012

After having spoken to a lot of my friends, I've found lots of people doubt their ability to meditate or focus, so without sounding patronizing can I just say it's ok to find it difficult to hold that focus no matter how long you have done it for. When I close my eyes I first have to get over the 'thought barrier'. Under this invisible line are a million thoughts ramming into each other, 'breakfast this morning, booking flights, oyster cards, money, work, food' the list goes on. But above the buzz it's more of a clear white haze that doesn't require concentration
. 

Enough of the mystical - Saturday's beginning and I still have no sense of time. When you leave 'school-mode' and enter 'work-mode' weekends lose their meaning. A 14 hour shift on a Friday's one to dread, and a Monday's a walk in the park. Today's topsy turvy, and to get to the end you've just got to take the step and try not to get wet. 

Recipe of the day: Autumn cherry samosas (I was surprised when I saw this recipe too.. but so worth it)
http://www.fnfoods.co.uk/recipes/recipe-cherry-samosas.html