Crossing Oceans

B and I keeping warm

I opened my eyes this morning and didn't have to think twice to realize I was back in the tropics, it's growing on me. Monkeys instead of foxes, sweat instead of shivers, dresses instead of jumpers and rice instead of bread. I'm back in Asia! Stepping out the plane doors the familiar sticky heat blew over us, and the layers of clothes that I'd been wearing was slowly minimized. My eyes couldn't focus on one position due to sleep deprivation, climactic shock and a crazy week that involved a few brain numbing activities. I dragged my luggage along behind me, with no sense of self-conciousness after a 15 hour flight, only to hear my name called by a recognizable voice - 'shit.' I thought.  I turned around to a beaming familiar face, and her brother - She'd been sitting 2 seats behind me for 7 hours, and we hadn't seen each other once. My immediate response was 'what the fuck', that came out slightly louder than expected, only to be received by dirty looks from all the conservative Muslim women in burqas that surrounded us. To my relief, we all looked as bedraggled as each other, and it only served for more delirious laughter. The 14 hour flight was not something I'd wish to repeat, non-stop crying (by both myself and the 2 babies sitting in front of me), no sleep, delays, a hectic 10 minute transfer period, food that tasted like it'd come out of a clinical trial, uncomfortable seats and never mastering the right temperature.. but I'm here, safe and sound (much to the surprise of my entire extended family that for some reason, had their doubts..)

See the double halo?

Where to start, can I first congratulate everyone for 'surviving' the apocalypse!  I was so intent on feeling some sort of change occur at 11.11 on 21/12/12 but when I looked at the clock it was already 13 past - oh well. I was browsing Facebook yesterday though and on a group that I'm a part of called 'Catalysing Change' there was a post that explained what causes the 'halo around the moon'; apparently it's "caused by pencil-shaped ice crystals in cirrus clouds that bend moonlight. On Dec. 21st, Harald Edens of Magdalena, New Mexico, witnessed a double halo as seen in this photo. The inner 9-degree halo is caused by ice crystals in the shape of pyramids" - If you don't know the significance of pyramids, please do a bit of research, It's fascinating. But my point is, though I didn't see any profound physical change, at least someone did?

Grooving with my favourite boy
in the beer garden

The last week has been the craziest of my life. It was a familiar feeling that my grade had experienced post-graduation. Having to see each other as much as possible, attend everything that was going on and leave no time to breathe for 'FOMO' (fear of missing out) - only to suffer the consequences later. I remember having a conversation with my mum about this ages ago, because after about a week of the craziness, when it has died down slightly and your body has a minute to recuperate, the suffering begins. Why that happens is common sense, but what I found difficult to understand, was how your body can keep pushing when you know there should be a limit. In spiritual terms we call it 'ancestral energy' - it's like the core storage space that draws energy from 'our ancients' if you will for when we really need it, during illness or dire situations etc.. not when our body's can't handle too many substances or late nights out, which is where it can be wasted. Woops, the consequences aren't proving to be too fun.

Typical.

To summarize a week in a sentence: Party-crashing for free drinks by the Thames, Civilized dinners by candlelight in caves being served red wine and cheese, regressing to our youth with drunken nights on southbank in playgrounds, arcades and Japanese restaurants,  shivering on Hampstead heath watching psychedelic vibrating trees and London's reflection on an invisible lake, grooving to tunes in the beer garden in winter wonderland, farewell lunches with friends and family and raving in ecstasy under tube stations to deep dub with an eclectic mix of all my closest friends. It's been a sleepless adventure that I wouldn't give back for the world - they say living with someone makes or breaks your friendship, and M. - as best friends since day zero, I reckon we can say we've achieved success.. So the alarm went off 2 hours after bedtime and after a few kicks to turn it off, I scrambled the last of my things together, leaving a trail behind me of course, to jump into the taxi and head to Heathrow airport terminal 4. 'Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming' could be heard softly on the radio as I nodded off, only to be woken (what felt like) a minute later when we'd arrived. The recent loss of my debit card meant I had to actually pay attention to where my money was and what I was spending, so I bought the usual duty-free chocolates for the family, a couple of locks for my bag, and a coffee to keep my brain mildly active, counting the pennies as I went. The water-works soon started and I'd switched from the normal'ish looking teenager, to an exasperated mess.. that went on for longer than I would've liked..

Love for J in Trafalgar square

I gazed out of the small oval airoplane window that was cold from the high altitude.. The stars above doha twinkled in scattered clumps and before my eyes closed again, I felt like one of them. Stars appear on clear dark nights and leave when the sun comes up, always temporary but always there. The instability of my life at the moment feels immense in both a good and bad sense - the on-flight crew definitely picked up on it as my blanket got wetter and wetter with tear stains - but tonight wasn't about keeping up appearances as I slunk back to sleep in DLD trackies and a comfy hoodie - the best way to fly. I only managed to watch one movie 'L'amour dure trois ans' (love only lasts 3 years) that felt quite appropriate given that nothing seems to stay the same for long, but it's a good one to watch - not your typical Hollywood romcom.

The end of the world party <3

The stars faded and Kuala Lumpur showed it's face in the light of the dawn - driving along the highway chatting to our sweet taxi driver felt surreal, returning to the familiar after having experienced 6 months of different is an odd sensation. I was sat down in McDonald s before arriving home, for a cup of coffee with Z. our taxi man, because apparently 'my eyes had to be slightly more open when I greeted the family'. My heart rate increased as the caffeine rush kicked in, and we zoomed past the twin towers, school, our local roti cannai stall, up the hill, into the rainforest and through the gates to our house, to be greeted by an emotional family of three - how I'd missed them. The next few hours are a little bit of a blur, I know it involved swimming, a few more coffees, a light lunch and a social dinner in a scrambled order, and then my head hit the pillow, and all I saw was stars, until a very loud "STOCKING TIME" could be heard, making it's way into my room. My 13 year old brother dragged everyone into bed, as we opened our stockings in delirium and fed off his contagious excitement. My stocking mainly consisted of bits and bobs for travelling, lots of yummy chocolates and a bit of make-up -- Santa, you did me well. After a light hearted christmas jam (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8NeUGA0An0) I got on the Irish coffee's while dad began scrambling eggs to be served with buttered toast and smoked salmon - a Chrimbo must. Handel played in the background and the Christmas spirit continued throughout the day as we opened presents, socialized with friends over a big Christmas turkey and ham and gorged with minced pies and christmas pudding that were drowned in brandy butter, clotted cream and haagen daz ice cream... that will last for the next week. 

Family.

Family skype sessions on both side commenced as dusk approached, and we ran back and forth between the two computers to send our love to kin across the universe. The day wound down with a session by our pool, breathing in the KL night, and a few other things, with old friends and music - suddenly it didn't feel so strange any more  a friend described the sensation as 'having the pause button switched to play after 6 months of living different lives'. I miss London, the people and the fun, but KL has a few adventures of it's own that we're all ready to take on - expectamus in antecessum. 

Recipe of the day: Devils on horseback (our christmas classic)

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/27/nigel-slater-devils-horseback-classic

Stars always follow a setting sun

To Tisbury we go

The sun's lower than it should be at 12:30pm as I sit and wind down, allowing all of life's little worries to slowly slip away as a stress-free family ridden weekend lies ahead. The weather's doing funny things now, 2 days ago I couldn't feel my fingers beneath 2 pairs of gloves and today I'm only wearing a T-shirt and cardigan. It fills me with slight dread knowing that in 8 days I'm going to step out of the aeroplane to be greeted by an intense wave of humidity. Acclimatizing to the tropics is going to take a few days of lots of pool and AC action, as I welcome frizzy hair and bikini's.
It's a bit of a shame really, the pain of the cold is worth it because it's leading up to snow and Christmas - the first part of that is something I just seem to have missed, out of sheer bad timing. The first 3 times it snowed in our area I was dead to the world, recovering from heavy nights - I woke up to the picturesque image of rooftops and gardens blanketed by a light layer of the soft, fluffy white stuff - the reflection of the low altitude sun was making it glisten and the pale blue background blended in perfectly. As for Christmas, I'm lucky to have been here for the build up. Watching the trees go from lush to naked - standing in rows and clumps with odd, bumpy, angular branches. At night they look like weeping willows from Harry Potter that are about to come to life and wrap their arms around you, trying to keep themselves as warm as possible by pulling you into their bare and magical worlds. 
Walking down the street, the few green plants and berries all stand frozen and preserved and a light layer of glittery frost covers everything. I picked a curled leaf off a branch the other day and it lay frosty and unchanged in my hand, a tiny piece of art. The lights are forever increasing in quantity, strung over trees, bridges and windows. Walking home I spot the tops of Christmas trees peeking through the windows, ours is spread out comfortably in the corner by the front door. M and I were leaning out our window the other day, braving the outside air to lift ourselves with a few puffs of an old friend. She described London as being muted in winter, and that was the perfect adjective to describe it. The usual buzz and chaos that London's so known for is reigned in a little, the light is dimmed, the temperature dropped, the layers added and the vibe softened. It's not such a rush.
I've always spent Christmas in the tropics and I feel so lucky for that, my Christmas' consist of tinsel wrapped around palm trees, drunken jams in swimmers and seafood lunches on the beach - it's special and different but it'd be nice to abide to tradition for a change.

So the countdown's on and the 'portals' have opened as of 12/12/12 -- that's what I was told by my my madre so I did a bit of reading and watching to get inspired and understand what I was preaching. So basically, the sun goes through a precession wherein every 72 years it moves backwards by one degree, journeying through all the zodiac planes - the 'age of Aquarius'  might ring a bell, this is the new astrological age that's begun, as the sun's equinox has moved from the Piscean constellation to the Aquarian one. So at various points in time, the sun is between its highest and lowest points in the sky, also known as an 'equinox'. One of these is to take place on December 21st - aka the December solstice, when the sun is positioned at the lowest point in the northern hemisphere and the highest point in the southern. It's in the centre of the milky way while crossing the galactic equator, and on December 21st at 11:11 (deep breath!), the precession of the equinoxes occurs. This happens only once every 26,000 years and the alignment will take place along the plane of the entire galaxy. This, as you can imagine, causes a huge physical change on earth..  
Just a few little random examples of how the movement of the moon/ sun affect our physical reality, to keep everything in perspective.. 1) That temperamental time when emotions run wild?  A woman's menstrual cycle is dependent on the position of the moon, affecting us both physically and emotionally 2) The movement of the tides (and given that the majority of our earth, and body consists of water, I'd say that's a pretty huge source of control.) 3) The migration and navigation of animals based on the position of the sun and sea etc etc etc. 
So during this shift, in spiritual terms, the 'portals' are believed to be open from 12/12/12 - 21/12/12,  the portals I refer to are "Places where the magnetic field of Earth connects to the magnetic field of the Sun, creating an uninterrupted path leading from our own planet to the sun's atmosphere 93 million miles away." In turn, creating different energetic fields and particles on earth, and in humans, allowing for concious growth and awareness. (http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2012/29jun_hiddenportals/).  It's a time to keep your heart open and your eyes wide. If I were to sit and breathe into this shift, the only image I could use to describe my inner experience is a wet cloth being tightly rung out. The emotional and physical changes happening right now are immense, and I'm using this 'shift', and my recently prescribed Microgynon (eek) to justify it. 
But what I seem to be picking up from all these spiritual sites and groups that I'm involved in, is the concept of 'unity conciousness' that's so important right now. We're so used to being individually wrapped up in our own worlds, yet we forget that we grow from others, so if this is a time for growth, it's important to feed into that. I, like many others, find that I get stuck in my own head a lot. Your problems absorb you and you lose perspective - other people bring you out of that. A recent source of inspiration, has come from a man named 'Bruce Lipton'. In one interview on 'the power of conciousness' he speaks of how we all have the ability to consciously change our realities if we emerge out of our habits that are controlled by our subconscious mind. His main message being that if we were to make the effort to live consciously for a larger percentage of the time, we could have anything - watch this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk). 

I'm looking over a green hill at the tip of a rainbow, the rest has faded and the very end where the pot of gold resides is lingering in the afternoon air. I'm daydreaming about the walk we're going to take later, past the little church at the bottom of the hill, up across the fields where the oak trees lie surrounded in a bleak mid-winter mist, and then up and over the gate that leads us back to the path, eesh I need to stretch my legs. But my monkey mind never hooks to one thought for long..
My bucket list is slowly being ticked off, but time seems to be, as it always it, the most limiting factor. Seeing family, godparents, old friends and new, buying Christmas presents, going to art exhibitions, markets, shops and restaurants  that I never saw and giving it all to the nights out that have to happen. Finishing the Crimbo rush and enjoying the last few days of a winter fling that's just started heating up; wondering what would have become if the flower girls adventures weren't so far away and if it were as easy as to hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks x

The smell of manure and sheep just wafted through the carriage - we're in the countryside!

Recipe of the day: Venison pie (had it last night, ah.mazing)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/venisonpie_89770
   

Is that a bell I hear?

The first lights

The lights are up on Oxford Street and the bells are starting to ring - Christmas is fast approaching! I wondered down the street at 5pm, the sky was darker than a midnight sky in KL, the air was fresh and the lights were twinkling. Giant candy canes, presents and santa claus's were everywhere as you craned your head to look into the bright yellow lighting against the suitably dark background - and then the massive 'Marmite' light appears - just in-case anyone was wondering who the sponsor was! Talk about being subtle..

Oxford street

I've begun tuning into this method that everyone seems to be using, and now I understand why. Spend hours walking around shops, being distracted by items you don't need, stressing out about prices you can't afford and then leaving after a few hours with nothing because indecisiveness took its toll. Or, click a few buttons and have whatever you want delivered to your doorstep a few days later. I don't really like the reliance on technology, but if you embrace it, your life can be made so much easier. I'm talking about on line shopping just in case you haven't clocked. There have been times when my lack of technology skills have landed me with 5 different phone covers from eBay when I'd only ordered one, or a broken digital camera (I'd missed out the 'refurbished' label on the item description page). But you can only learn from your mistakes, if everything in life went smoothly all the time, we'd be bored senseless.

Fambam

Thanksgiving's just passed aswell - something the Brits don't really go mad about but having been brought up in International (but Americanized) schools my whole life I've always had those amazing American friends (that over emphasize any festivity in such a contagious manner) that have invited us all over for  huge.turkey.dinner. Now in Psychology, it's been proven that our memory's are inaccurate hence when we think back on an event it will never be exactly what it was due to subjectivity and ra ra ra. But I like to think that some memories are accurate, even if you fantasize them into more than they are - who really cares, it makes for a better story. One such memory was when I was about 12 years old and we were invited over to T & D's for Thanksgiving dinner - We drove up to the house and out the front windscreen I could see a red hat with a white bobble peeking out above a huge sleigh. The other kids that were invited were jumping onto Santa's lap for a photo in his sleigh as the parents stood around and cooed lovingly. I walked into the house, and it was like we'd been teleported to a winter wonderland special. There were decorations everywhere, the AC's were on full blast, lights were twinkling, and gingerbread, chocolates and cookies were scattered around the house in idyllic red and green bowls. The evening rocked along to the carols that were playing as a perfectly suitable background soundtrack for the night; the first course of rich mushroom soup appeared accompanied bread, rolls and the like. The main act followed, a huge turkey, cooked to perfection with a side of roast potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce etc etc etc. The after-main palette cleanser of champagne sorbet followed and then came the stream of countless desserts, pumpkin pie, Christmas cake, cookies, coffee, chocolates - talk about a food baby. We were all preggers by the end of it, and slept like babies that night - waking up with out bellies still full. If there's ever a festive season to over-indulge, I'd give Christmas the prize. It's been my excuse for putting on the extra pounds lately, it's winter, it's cold, we're in need of insulation - animals hibernate for however many months, we need something to keep us going!

I do have friends that aren't as in to the Christmas buzz as I am - and use the argument of authenticity to bring down the mood. I slightly agree but I enjoy playing into it, cynicism isn't for everyone. Yes, Christmas has lost a lot of what it stands for -- I mainly follow the ideals of Buddhism so Christmas isn't about the religious aspect for me, it's about the coming together of family, friends and food, the extra's are just part of the fun. Yes, as a society the commercial side of festivities takes over a lot, we buy into what they want us to believe - we have to buy this, eat that and go there to have a 'merry Christmas'  but even if the exterior of the season is painted for us, the interior is the reason we love it so. That feeling on Christmas morning can't be bought with money or sold through an advertisement - but sometimes the ride's funner than the destination.

My distorted memory in a snapshot

Gingerbread late's and minced pies  in Starbucks

Besides the lead up to Christmas  we're also leading up to the big day that's been written about, made into films, and debated for years and years. The Auspicious day of December 21st. 'The end of the world', the end of the Mayan calendar  the day world war 3 starts, the day the economy changes for good, the day we lose all our natural resources, or the next ice age starts because global warming goes a wal!  What to believe, what to expect? The advise I've been given for that day, is 'be with someone you feel spiritually connected to and spend the day with them'. Whether it's sitting down meditating, having a really good heart to heart, or just laughing about nonsense. I think December 21st marks a change in human conciousness. Over the past few months/ the last year, it's been a huge time of change, as it always is, but more-so. The shift has been immense, the amount of political mishaps, natural disasters, emotional breaking points, deaths etc. have been increasing at a seemingly exponential rate as though testing us - as though to create a divide between those that can handle it and those that can't. Those that can will sore post-Dec 21st, and continue to grow in a positive fashion (speaking in linear terms here), whereas those that haven't been able to handle it, getting too caught up in the web of confusion that it's created, will not flourish as so. There's a 'spirit science' clip that explains what I've adopted as my belief -- not to say it's right, but there are too many options to sit on the fence on this one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adyqBP5selM) One thing I will say, is I don't think it should be a time of fear - anxiety's one of those feelings that isn't very progressive and because the ever-so-daunting future can hold anything, we may aswell venture into it with our chins up.

A wintry night out

I'm still in my PJ's and am pondering the idea of getting dressed but can't really face the brief few seconds of feeling the harsh cold against my skin as the transition into day-wear begins.. deep breath, here goes.

Drink of the day: Eggnog

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/eggnog/